Mine To Love Again
by hphglover
Summary: Ashley is a rock star who has everything except the one that completes her. Spencer is a career-driven woman that buries herself in work to forget the one that broke her heart. A story of how they began, came undone and how they hope to repair the damage.
1. Prologue

_A/N: This is the result of another addiction. Apparently, HP and Twilight were not enough, so I had to try my hand at SoN as well. Not abandoning my other story, but someone really important to me really wants this one up, so this is for her. I'd like to dedicate this story to her and her girlfriend. Theirs is an epic love story and when all the planets align just right they are going to be sickeningly happy and amazing together! I believe it's going to happen much sooner than she thinks. So this is for you, kiddo, and for your girl because I love you guys to pieces! _

_A very special thanks goes to breath4her for going over the chapters written so far and encouraging me to go with it. So, EJ, thanks so much for the input and help!_

_Since this is a new fandom for me, I'd like to know what you all think and I hope I do this pairing justice, because I really, really love me some good Spashley!_

Disclaimer: I owe nothing. But you already knew that.

Full summary: Basically it's an angsty Spashley story that blossomed from a never-forgotten love...an irreplaceable void...Ashley is this musician/rockstar who has everything except the piece that completes her while Spencer is this career-driven busy bee that engulfs herself in her work to distract her from the one that broke her heart...basically it's a story of how they began, how they came undone...and how they hope to repair the damage...with a little bit of side-bar character/relationships mixed in for good measure.

**Mine to Love Again**

**Prologue**

Ashley's POV

I didn't know how I felt about this visit. A gut feeling that wouldn't go away told me something was going to go wrong. I was apprehensive and excited to see my girl again. I mean, I've been gone for six months and we haven't seen each other all that time unless you count quick video messaging. At first, they were frequent and longer in time, but four months into my tour, they started getting farther apart and shorter.

I knew going on tour for so long would put a strain on our relationship. She couldn't very well follow me when she had classes to attend for her senior year at UCLA. Neither of us thought my album would hit it so huge that I was immediately whisked on a tour of the US and Canada. Now interest was building overseas and my management team was planning an international tour that would take a lot longer than six months.

But before any of that happened, I wanted to see my girl. See if we could reconnect somehow and find our way again. We had been living together for three years now and this was the first time we had been apart. I had the entire weekend to be with her and I was really looking forward to it. She had already told me she was packed with projects and assignments, but I didn't let that deter me. I would be patient and whenever she had time, I'd be there to spend it with her.

I was parked near her car, leaning against the driver's side door. She knew I'd be in town today, but she didn't know I'd come to campus to surprise her. I had dark shades and a cap on to keep people from recognizing me. I didn't mind my fans, but this was my weekend with my girl and I was really looking forward to it even if she had been a little distant in the past couple of weeks. I was hoping it was stress with school and not something else entirely.

I heard some laughter and my head turned, a smile finding the way to my lips. There she was, my angel, the girl I loved above all others from the moment I laid eyes on her. Her baby blues were sparkling with joy and her hair shone brilliantly in the sun. She was wearing jeans that hugged her curves to perfection, a band t-shirt and converse. She looked carefree and relaxed and I basked at the site.

Spencer Carlin was a vision of beauty even when dressed for comfort.

My smile froze on my lips when I noticed who she was with and the fact that they were walking really close together and seemed too familiar with each other. I didn't know her and I immediately disliked her. She had long, dark hair, hazel eyes, and seemed to be of Hispanic descent.

Spencer had never mentioned anyone like that. Kyla hadn't either and they lived together at our loft still. So this girl, whoever she was, had been kept a secret from me. I didn't know what to think, and I didn't know how to react. I just stood there frozen in time as they walked by and didn't even notice me.

As they got to Spencer's car, she opened it and threw her book bag inside and then leaned against the door. They were still talking animatedly and then Spencer looked at her watch and frowned. She told the girls something hurriedly and turned to get in the car.

Only to be stopped by the brunette when she grabbed her hand.

Spencer turned around and the girl kissed her cheek softly, and I noticed with raising anger that she lingers a few seconds too long. I felt another stab to my heart when Spencer blushed before getting in the car and driving away. I simply watched, too stunned to move as the other girl touched a finger to her lips, smiled, and then walked towards another car.

I didn't realize I was crying until I could felt the tears running freely down my cheeks. I knew this was what the gut feeling had been all along. My worst fears had come true. In my absence, someone else was vying for my girl's attention and I didn't know what to do. If I cancelled my tour, there went the music career I had dreamed about for so long. If I went on it, I would surely lose the love of my life.

Unsure of what to do and with a terrible pain consuming my very soul, I got into my car and left the campus behind. I drove around for several hours and ignored my phone every time it rang or beeped announcing a message. Everyone was calling me and no one knew where I was. We had planned a get together with friends and family for my return, and I was in no mood to attend. I knew Kyla would be frantic with worry but I kept thinking Spencer was probably relieved I wasn't home yet.

I ended up at the beach and walked over to the pier. I sat there until night time was upon me and my tears would come no more.

0-0

It was nearing midnight when I finally let myself into the apartment. The lights were on and Kyla, Aiden and Spencer all jumped from the sofa when they saw me. Shouting started at once, but I just looked at them without saying anything and walked over to my room. Without wasting any time, I pulled my suitcase from the closet and started filling it with the few things I had brought with me.

A couple of minutes later, as expected, she walked into our room.

"Ash?" she asked tentatively. "Where were you? We called you all afternoon and evening and no one knew where you were."

"I…" I stopped to clear my throat, since it was raw from all the crying I had done. "I had some things to think about."

"And you didn't think to call any of us to let us know?"

I could hear the worry mixed with anger in her tone, but I didn't really care at the moment. I was completely numb.

"I left my cell in my car and I wasn't near it."

She finally walked up to me and cupped my chin in her hand, making me look at her. She gasped when she saw how swollen my eyes were. There was no way to hide that from her, even if I wanted to, which I didn't. I wanted her to see me broken because she was the reason behind it.

"You've been crying, baby! Tell me what's wrong," she implored softly.

I could see how much she cared for me in her eyes, but I could not ignore what I had seen earlier in the day.

"Who's the girl with the long, dark hair, Spence? The one that makes you laugh freely and makes you blush with a kiss?" I asked in a detached voice I didn't even recognize as my own.

Her eyes went wide, surprise and shame evident in them. She blushed scarlet and her mouth opened and closed several times but no sound came out.

"See, I went by your school today, wanting to surprise you because I got home earlier than planned. I wanted to take you out to eat, spend some alone time with my girlfriend before I had to share you with our family and friends. I even brought you daisies, since you like them so much. And then I see you walking so closely with her, laughing so freely. And then she kissed you and you blushed," I finished, my voice so low she had to strain to hear me. I didn't want Kyla and Aiden to know just yet.

"Ash, there is _nothing_ going on with that girl. She is just a friend, baby."

"I've never seen you blush with a friend's advances before. She likes you as more than a friend, Spencer, don't be so naïve."

I went back to packing.

"She doesn't, Ash. She knows I have a girlfriend."

"She was smiling and touching her lips when you left. She just stood there with this grin on her face while my heart started breaking. So forgive me for not coming home to celebrate what is now the worst homecoming ever!"

"Why didn't you call me or approach us? I would have introduced you to her as my girlfriend!" she tried in a soft voice while her eyes watched me in confusion. "Why are you packing again?"

"I can't stay here."

"What? This is your home!"

I chuckled sadly. "I always thought it was _our_ home. I guess whoever came up with the saying that distance makes the heart grow fonder was totally wrong, because in this situation, it didn't work that way."

I closed my suitcase and took a shuddering breath. I was about to do something I never thought I would ever do. I was about to cut off my own heart.

"Look, Spencer, I'm not going to pretend like I'm not hurting. My heart feels like its fucking breaking right now."

She walked up to me, grabbed the suitcase out of my hand and set it down. "You're not going anywhere but into _our_ bed."

Before I could protest, she kissed me. And not a little welcome home kiss, either. But a very passionate and wet welcome back type of kiss. It had been so long since I had kissed her that my mind shut down and I gave into her. I kissed her back hungrily as she started undoing the buttons on my shirt and walking me towards our bed.

We made love with desperation, the heat almost unbearable as we gave into the lust and passion consuming our minds and bodies. We couldn't seem to stop and it wasn't until the first colors of dawn adorned the sky that Spencer finally fell asleep in exhaustion, but a happy smile on her face.

I kissed her lips on last time, caressed her cheek softly, and then I got up from the bed. I knew she'd be out for a while, so I took the time to write a letter, placed it on my pillow, dressed and grabbed my suitcase.

As I turned at the door to look back at her one last time, I prayed that she would understand what I was doing, that she would not hate me, and that she would be happy.

I loved her too much to make her wait for me indefinitely. For the first time in my life, I was doing something that wasn't selfish and it was killing me. Blinded by tears, I turned and walked away from the love of my life.


	2. Confessions

_A/N: Just a quick note so there is no confusion, the Sasha mentioned in this chapter in not the same college student Sasha Aiden dated._

_For my three girls._

_Disclaimer: I owe nothing but her heart._

**Mine to Love Again**

**Chapter 1: Confessions**

Spencer's POV

I was listening to my boss going over the shows for the coming week when there was a tentative knock on the door. We both looked up and I saw the small frown on her face. Her assistant knew better than to interrupt her meetings with me.

"This better be good," she muttered before asking Alice to come in.

The door opened and a petite blonde walked in, carrying fresh cups of coffee as if to soften the interruption.

"Ms. Jourdan, there is a Kyla Woods on the phone and she wishes to speak to you right away."

I drop the papers in my hands and blush when they both turn to look at my uncharacteristic display of clumsiness. Alice is at my side immediately helping me gather the papers. I apologize before turning back to my boss.

"Alice, we're in a meeting. You know I don't take calls or like to be interrupted during this time."

"I know that, and I apologize, but I really think you need to take this call," she says with a little trepidation in her voice.

"I don't know a Kyla Woods."

"She is Ashley Davies's manager, ma'am."

Sasha's eyebrows rose and she looked at me in surprise. I looked down at my papers since I didn't want her to know just how affected I was to hear _her_ name. Sadly for me, just the mere mention of her name still managed to make my heart skip a beat and my breathing to stop.

"Do you know what the call is about?"

"She simply said she wanted to speak to you about the show and it was very important."

"Fine. I'll take it. Thank you, Alice."

"She's on line two."

I watched with trepidation as she picked up the phone and pressed the correct line. "This is Sasha Jourdan, Ms. Woods, how can I help you?"

I blocked her out after a couple of minutes because from the little I had heard, I wasn't going to be happy with the outcome of the phone call. The more they talked, the more excited Sasha got, and I've known her for almost four years and know that look. She's on to something big, something that will make the ratings sky rocket.

And something that might bring me face to face with her after four years of not seeing her in person. I'm not going to lie, I knew all about what she was up to, just like she knew what I was up to. Our mutual friends made sure that happened. Just because we had broken up, or rather, she had "_set me free_", didn't mean I hated her. Yes, I was devastated when I woke up to find her gone, and those first few months were miserable, but with time, I came to understand why she did it.

It took me a long time to come to terms with it, and I had moved on and dated other women and had a relationship or two, but no one ever came close. No one could ever take her place in my heart. If she had left to set me free, she had forgotten to return my heart to me, so there was no use.

I won't lie about the distance making things difficult back then. I will admit to being drawn to the girl she had seen me with, but nothing had happened at the time, other than harmless flirting. I knew she liked me, but she also knew I was very much taken.

When Carmen found out I was single again, she had kept her feelings in check for about a month before she started dropping heavy hints. It took me six months to say yes to a date. Needless to say, it was a disaster waiting to happen because I couldn't help but feel like I was betraying Ashley. Carmen and I dated for only a few months before we decided to call it quits and just be friends. I never even managed to sleep with her, that was how tight Ashley's hold on my heart was.

Eventually, I was able to go on more dates and I did manage the sex bit with a few of them. No one could ever compare, though, no one ever even came close to making me feel the way she did. So I finally resigned myself to the fact that she had branded me as hers, and no matter who came into my life, they would never have my entire heart, body or mind.

No one knew I had gone to see her in concert in more than one occasion, going as far as spending the weekend across the country just so I could attend one. Kyla and Chelsea kept me up with what she was doing, and we had even exchanged birthdays and Christmas cards for the past couple of years.

How I finished my senior year when my scholarship fell through? She paid for my tuition without my knowing so. It was only after I received a letter from the school saying all was paid that I figured it out. When I talked to Kyla about it, she said Ashley didn't want me to give up my dream and if she could do anything about it, she would. Besides, she had more money than she knew what to do with, so she felt good using it for something worthwhile like my education. I couldn't really disagree with an argument like that, so I finished my degree and became a television producer.

The silver BMW X5 that I absolutely love and proudly drove? Her graduation present to me. It was waiting at the loft when I got back with a big red bow on the top and my name on the windshield. The keys had been left on top of the kitchen counter with a card from her. Later on that night I had found out from Kyla that she had been at the graduation ceremony.

My home? I still live in the loft that we all lived in when I graduated high school. Only it was mine now. Since it had been paid in full when they first got it, Ashley and Kyla put in on my name when Kyla went to work for her and started traveling. Ashley now owed a beach house and Kyla stayed with her most of the time. As with the other things, my protests fell on deaf ears.

So while she had set me free to live my life as I saw fit, she found ways to make sure I was taken care of and kept her promise to always look after me even if we weren't together.

What had I done for her in return? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Kyla and Chelsea had tried to arrange meetings in several occasions, but I have never gone for it. You might think it was cowardly of me, but the truth was, I had no idea what I would do if I had her in front of me again.

Would I act friendly and mature? Would all the anger, hurt and resentment of the past come rushing out? Would I jump into her arms and kiss her like I've been dreaming off for the past four years? I had no fucking clue, but I didn't want to risk it. So, yeah, call me a coward.

Before I could think of more, I heard my name being called in such an annoyed way my head snapped to look at my boss, who looked very irritated with me.

"Huh?" was my eloquent reply to her.

"What the hell is wrong with you today? I've been calling your name for the past five minutes, Spencer Carlin! Where did you go?"

I blushed and looked down at my fidgety fingers. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright. But pay attention now. We're having Ashley Davies on the show this coming Friday, so we need to make some changes to our lineup and accommodate this. I want the entire show to be about her, so make it happen."

I froze in my chair. Literally felt frozen on the spot. I could not move, talk or think straight. My eyes widened in fear as I looked at her.

"I can't do it," I whispered.

Sasha frowned. "Of course you can. What the hell do you think you're the show's executive producer for? Make it happen, Spencer. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Call Ms. Woods and set up a meeting with Ms. Davies for tomorrow. Handle all the details because this is not an ordinary show. She wants to bring in her band and a live orchestra and she'll be launching her latest CD on the show. This is huge, Spencer!"

I was starting to go on full-out panic attack. "Sasha, I have never asked for special treatment and I have always given you a hundred and ten percent, but I can't this time."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I'll make the arrangements, I'll work with Kyla, but I'm going to leave all contact with Ashley to you or my assistant."

She stared at me like I had grown another head. She had no idea of course that I knew Ashley in more ways than one. She had no idea what it would do to my nervous system to have her in my office asking questions and planning a show.

"Unless you give me a damn good reason as to why you don't want to talk to Ms. Davies yourself, I can't let you walk away from this. It's too important to the show and the ratings. It would look good on all of us and we work damn hard week after week to give the audience a great show and I'm not about to stop now. You are a professional and I want to see you acting like one, Carlin!"

Damn, she used my last name. She's not happy with me and now I don't know what to do to get out of this.

"Look, Sasha, there is a past there. I promise to go into details when this is all over and done with. I will handle this like the professional I am and I will make sure it's the best show we've ever put on. Kyla and I are very good friends, so I can handle most of the details with her. All I'm asking is that I don't have to deal with Ashley unless absolutely necessary. I won't be able to handle it."

Sasha stared at me for several moments, and I let her see the pain and desperation in my eyes. I never did that, but she had gotten to know me well during the time we had worked together and she knew I wasn't kidding now.

"I can't believe I'm about to do this, Carlin, but I'll let you do this your way. I don't want there to be problems when we're doing such a big show. I mean, she is _the_ rock princess and she's chosen us to do this. I'm going to think the reason she chose us is because she and Ms. Woods know you and trust you. Don't make this a habit, Spencer."

I was so relieved I could have jumped over the desk and hugged her. "I promise I won't, Sasha. Once I explain, you will understand why I'm asking for this. I promise you this will be the best show I've ever put on for you or I'll hand in my resignation letter."

Sasha laughed at me. "Don't be absurd, Spencer! Like I would accept such a letter. Just make sure this show rocks. Do you need Ms. Wood's number?"

"No. I'll call her as soon as I get into my office and meet her somewhere to get the details rolling. I'll have my assistant reschedule Friday's guests to next week and let her handle the rest of the shows for this week so I can't concentrate on Friday's show. I only have three days to work my magic!"

"Make me proud, Carlin."

"I will."

0-0

I called a meeting with my production team the moment I got back into my office and explained the changes that would be made. At the mere mention of Ashley's name, they went crazy. It was common knowledge that the rock princess gave very few interviews and had never done a live show like ours. With a live show the risks were higher and she could be put on the spot easily. Not that Sasha Jourdan worked that way, but it was always a risk for someone as private as the petite brunette. After delegating work, I sent everyone on their way and told my assistant we would meet again as soon as I talked to Kyla and she left as well.

After taking a few deep breaths, I picked up my phone and dialed Kyla. She picked up after only two rings.

"_Hey, Spence. I was expecting your call_."

"Hey, Ky. This was a surprise."

"_I know. She just decided it on it this weekend. I didn't have time to warn you because she just told me this morning when I called your boss_."

"It's okay. Can we meet today? Just you and I?"

There was a long silence on the other end. I waited and tried not to bite my nails.

"_She's doing this for you, you know_," came the quiet reply.

I felt a hand squeeze my heart painfully and I shut my eyes tightly. "Why?"

"_Because she wants to _see_ you, Spence. She's wanted to see you for a long time and she doesn't know what else to do to make it happen_. _So she is opening herself up on national _live _television if that's what it takes_."

Tears filled my eyes. "I don't know if I'm ready, Ky," I whispered brokenly.

"_She just wants her _friend_ back, honey. She's not asking for anything else. And you would know that if you gave her a moment of your time_."

"What if I meet her and everything comes rushing back? What if the anger and resentment I felt for so long come out?"

"_Then she'll have to deal with it. At some point, you both need closure to move on_._ It's been four years, for fuck's sake!_"

"I've moved on! In fact, I've been dating the same girl for three months now," I told her.

Yes, I realize how childish I just sounded, thank you!

"_Right, you told me about Veronica, but that doesn't mean shit. You and I both know you never got closure and Ashley never got over the fact that she let you go. Let's not bullshit around, Spence. We know each other too well."_

"Ky, I will promise you to meet with Ashley after the show on Friday. But do this for me now, please. Either you and I plan the entire show without me having to see her or she meets with my assistant. But I will not be able to put on the type of show we are known for and she deserves if I see her before then."

"_I'm telling you, Spence, she's not going to like it. She is doing this to _see_ you_!"

"I know and she will. But not before the show is over. Tell her I will even cook her dinner at the loft Friday night," I said in desperation before my brain could catch up with my mouth.

I heard her sigh. "_This is so fucking childish, but fine. Have it your damn way. Meet me at twelve at our usual place for lunch and we'll go over what she wants to do. You so owe me big for this, Carlin! Fuck, you guys are driving me insane and I don't appreciate being the middle-woman anymore! If you don't make it work this time around, I'm _done_ with it._"

I didn't even get to respond because she hung up on me. And now I had an even bigger problem in my hands. Not only would I have to face Ashley, the undisputed love of my life, but I had offered to cook her dinner just so I could postpone said meeting. I seriously could not understand myself sometimes.

Maybe Kyla was right. We needed to finally see each other and put the past to rest. We both needed closure to move on. No matter who I dated, they never measured up to her and I needed to either let her go completely or figure out a way to keep her in my life for good.

The fucked up thing was that I didn't know which one I feared the most: finally letting her go or finding a way to make it work this time around.

0-0


	3. Planning

A/N: I'm sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. Life happened all at once and sort of tried to kick my ass (read: it did) and well, I'm getting back on top of things. For those of you following my HP story, I'm working on the next chapter and I'm forcing myself to finish it soon.

As usual, this is for my girls: W, V and M. Because they make everything better.

Disclaimer: So not mine. Like you didn't know that.

**Mine to Love Again**

**Chapter 2: Planning**

Kyla's POV

I hung up on Spencer, which I know is kind of rude, but seriously, these two are driving me insane and have been for the past four years! I mean, either get the fuck over each other or find a way to be get back together. I personally vote for the later because there doesn't seem to be anyone else for either of them. I know Ashley has tried to move on, but never even made it on a date because she would cancel it last minute. She just couldn't do it.

I'm not saying she's been celibate this long, but there have only been two girls in the past four years. She only did it to scratch an itch and to try to forget Spencer, but neither worked. It seems like the itch can only be scratched by Spencer and no girl can compare to the blonde beauty. Both times it happened, Ashley cried for days afterwards because of the guilt, the sense of loss and her unwavering love for Spencer. So for the past year, she has been celibate. Now, for a girl like Ashley, who is used to having women throwing themselves at her, this is unheard of, but I guess once she found her other half, the rest of the women ceased to exist for her.

I know Spencer hasn't slept around an awful lot, but she has had more partners than Ashley in the last four years. It's been the same for her as well, however. She can't seem to find anyone she can be truly happy with because Ashley's shadow is always there. No girl has lasted more than four months because they get tired of Spencer holding back a part of herself. Not everyone is willing to be number two and that is all they can ever be in her life.

Believe me; we have tried to get them back together. Chelsea works mostly on Spencer and I work mostly on Ashley while Madison works on both. So far, nothing has come out of it because Spencer is too stubborn for her own damn good. Ashley finally caved in two years ago and sent her a birthday card. Surprising the hell out of all of us, Spencer sent her one when it was hers. Then came Christmas cards, both of which were sent without prior prompting, so we all thought things would finally take a turn for the better.

Did they?

Hell, no!

Because Spencer is more stubborn than a damn mule and she has refused to see Ashley all this time. Ashley was willing to do it; she was actually excited at the possibility, so the girls and I started planning and plotting. Ms. Carlin, however, said no to every single meeting opportunity we came up with. Fed up with it, Ashley finally snapped and decided to do this stupid show and force Spencer's hand.

So that's where we are at the present.

It's Thursday night now and the show is tomorrow morning. We've been setting up nonstop for it and it's going to be amazing if things go as planned. I don't know how she's done it, but Spencer has avoided all contact with Ashley, even earlier today when we went by the studio to set up the stage where she will perform two songs from the new CD she is releasing on said show. She even did a run through with her band and the orchestra that participated on several songs on the CD and Spencer managed to be out of the studio in a _meeting_ while it happened.

Now an anxious Ashley will have to wait until after the show to actually see Spencer, and it might be night time before the actual meeting takes place. Ashley wasn't too thrilled when I told her how Spencer wanted to do things, but once I reminded her that they would be alone for the first time in years at the loft, that Spencer would cook for her and that they would finally be able to talk about things, she went from upset to nervous.

I know my sister and I know how much this meeting means to her. I know the two songs she picked to sing are meant for Spencer's ears alone and I wonder if she will realize that when she hears them for the first time. Sasha Jourdan has been nothing but nice and a professional, and Ashley feels good about the questions she will be asking through the entire hour of the show. She's never dedicated an entire show to just one act, so she's a little nervous about that. I provided Spencer with tons of pictures of Ashley in concerts, signings and private time. These will be shown throughout the interview as well. I gave her some of Ashley in high school, where all of us are hanging together, but no decision had been made as to whether to show them or not for obvious reasons.

If things don't work out tomorrow, I'm giving up on them. Spencer needs to pull her head out of her ass long enough to realize that keeping their status quo is ridiculous at this point. Ashley is willing to work with her on this. She is willing to just be friends. Spencer is the one putting road blocks along the way and acting like Ashley has some kind of contagious disease when in reality, she still has feeling for Ash and we all know about it.

I pop a couple of painkillers in my mouth and wash them down with water as I watch Ashley finish her set. Even Sasha is sitting close by watching with a smile on her face. When Ashley is done, I see her get up and walk over to her. I move closer as well in case I'm needed and that's when I hear the invitation and shake my head. It's like the entire fucking universe is plotting against us in trying to bring Spence and Ash back together!

"Tomorrow night?" Ashley asks with a small frown on her face.

"Yeah, around eight. There won't be many people there, so don't worry about that. It's just some other artists, a few producers, the show's executive producer and some of her crew, and you and whoever you wish to bring," Sasha finishes with a smile.

Ashley looks at me for help.

"We'd be delighted to come over, Ms. Jourdan. It would be us plus two of our closest friends if you don't mind," I answer for her.

"That's no problem. I'll give you directions to my place tomorrow when the show is over."

Ashley is looking at me like I've gone crazy but smiles politely at Sasha. "We'll be there."

"The songs you're going to sing tomorrow are amazing, by the way. If the entire CD is like that, I can tell you it's going to be a huge hit. I'd say even bigger than the previous ones."

"Speaking of the new CD," I say as I pull one out of my purse. "Here's a copy of it for you. I figured you'd like to listen to it before the show tomorrow."

"That's great. Thanks so much! I promise not to let anyone listen to it before then. I have to run now. I'll see you both bright an early tomorrow!"

We say our goodbyes and the minute she is out of earshot Ashley rounds on me.

"Why did we say yes?"

"Because it would be impolite to do so. She's dedicating an entire show to you, Ash. Who does that anymore? And she is playing by your rules, so it won't kill you to make an appearance at her place for an hour."

"But what about the dinner with Spencer? Do you have any idea how much I was looking forward to that?"

"I know, babe, but she is also going to be at this gathering, so there will be no dinner unless you go out to eat after it's done. Maybe you can find a moment while we're there and talk to her for a bit."

Ashley sighed resignedly. "I guess you're right. Do we need to be here any longer? I want to go to bed early tonight if we have to be here at five in the morning."

"Yeah, let's call it a night."

0-0

Ashley's POV

This has been one hell of a week. I mean, I tried everything I could to see Spencer at the studio for the past couple of days, but that is one stubborn woman. I can't remember her being this bad when we were together. All I want to do is talk things out and see if we can manage to be friends again.

I won't pretend I don't love her still. She is the love of my life and the past four years have only served to prove that to me. I've never been able to find that connection with anyone before or after her, so for me, she is _it_. I love her so damn much that I would be willing to settle for just friendship at this point. I just need her in my life in any way she is willing to be.

I've been soaking in my bathtub for the last hour and I finally feel relaxed enough to go to sleep. Lavender and a nice glass of wine will do the trick every time. I've done my part, now all I can do is wait and see if the songs I choose for the show will mean anything to her. I can't keep doing this to myself as Kyla said on our way home.

If this attempt doesn't work, I have to find a way to move on with my life without Spencer Carlin. As bleak as that future sounds, I can't force her to love me, no matter how much I love her in return.

0-0

Spencer's POV

The show is due to go live in one hour and where am I? Outside the studio hiding, drinking a cup of coffee and smoking a cigarette. I don't usually smoke, haven't in a long time, but this situation calls for it. I know it's bad for me, but I couldn't help it. My hands have been shaking so much that people started to notice in the control booth, so I took a break. My assistant is doing last minute sound checks with the musicians and Kyla while Sasha and Ashley are both in the makeup room.

I took one final drag of my cigarette, finished my coffee, put a piece of gum in my mouth and decide to go back to the control booth.

It's organized chaos as we get closer to show time. I'm usually down on the floor by now, issuing orders and checking last minute details, but today I'm staying put up here where I have a bird's eye view of the entire set underneath me. I can see everything from this point and I want to make sure this show goes off without a hitch because Ashley deserves the best. I might be acting like a pussy when it comes to seeing her face to face, but I want her to always be successful in anything she does and this is my chance to make sure it happens.

I grab a studio headset and put it on my head. Crossing my arms as I stand in front of the glass wall, I check in with all of my camera and lights crew, ask my assistant if we're good to go and listen closely as they all report back to me. Sasha walks into the studio and one of the guys helps her with her microphone while she's handed some index cards, a cup of fresh coffee and the makeup assistant dabs one last time at her face. She sits on one of the comfortable chairs in her interview area, which consists of a love seat, a coffee table and her chair. It's on an elevated platform and covered in a rich cream carpet.

She looks up towards my booth and motions to her ear, which means for me to close out all communication with the entire crew and talk to her privately. I turned towards Peter, my main sound tech.

"Pete, give me and Ms. Jourdan some private time."

"Sure thing, boss."

"Hey, Sasha, we're good to go."

"How come you're up there?"

Gotta love my boss. She doesn't beat around the bush much.

"I want to keep my eye on things and this affords me a better view."

"Right. Are you sure you're not hiding up there?"

"I'm not, Sasha. I've made sure to put in extra hours and this is one of the best shows we'll ever air, I promise you that."

"You're coming tonight, right? I won't allow you to chicken out of that as well. It's bad enough your assistant and Ms. Woods had to handle most of this with Ms. Davies."

"Ashley knows why."

"So it's _Ashley_ now, eh? Will I ever know why it had to be done this way? This is so unlike you, Carlin."

"I promised you I would fill you in, but you're a smart woman. You'll have most of it figured out by the time the show is over."

"I think I already do, Spence, and if something goes wrong because you didn't meet with Ms. Davies personally, I'll have your hide."

"I know that, Sasha. Please relax and trust me on this. We have ten minutes to show time, so I'm opening the lines back up. You ready?"

"Always, darling. Let's wow this audience and Ms. Davies."

I signal to Peter to open the lines back up and call everyone's attention to me.

"We go on in ten, make sure everyone is where they need to be. Make me proud, people."

As much as I want to issue some more orders and check on last minute things, I become quiet when I see the musicians taking their places and Ashley's band come onto the makeshift stage. We had decided the show would start with her singing one of her songs. I mute my mike when I see her walk onstage and my breath catches at the beautiful sight.

She is wearing a pair of designer jeans that ride low on her hips and seem to be tailor made for her perfect legs, black Jimmy Choo strappy sandals and a figure hugging, sheer, black shirt with only the two middle buttons done. Underneath it you can see a red lace bra. Her toenails are painted a matching red and you can even see her new belly ring. Black leather cuffs adorn her wrists. Her curls are loose and shinning and her eyes seem bright and excited. My mouth literally waters at how incredibly beautiful she looks.

The audience started clapping and whistling the moment she walks on stage and some even call out her name. She looks up, waves and smiles at them and then takes her place behind a baby grand piano. I think my heart stopped for a second when I saw her smile.

Who have I been trying to kid? The sight of her alone makes me weak in the knees, makes my breath catch, my heartbeat to speed up. No matter who I date, no one can even come close to her, to what we had.

I take a shaky breath and close my eyes as I lean my head on the cool glass wall in front of me. I have to make it through this hour somehow and then find the courage to talk to her face to face. I've been avoiding her for too long and there really isn't a need to anymore.

"Boss?" I hear Peter call and I lift my head.

"Yeah?"

"Ready when you are."

I nod and turn back towards the set and turn my mike back on. "Sasha, are we ready to roll here?"

"Ready."

"Count it out, Wendy," I call out to my assistant.

I see her hand go up, the lights dim completely on the band side and a spotlight illuminates Sasha as she smiles at the camera. Wendy counts backwards from five and the show is on.

"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! We have a special show planned for you today and a very special guest with us. I give you the one and only, America's rock princess, Ashley Davies!" Sasha says and points with her hand to the side.

The audience goes crazy when a single spotlight illuminates Ashley, who leans towards the mike in front of her.

"I hope you know this is for you, _Indie_," she whispers into the mike before she starts playing softly and my heart constricts when I hear the one nickname she had for me and no one else knew about.

_Ah…_

I don't know where to find you  
I don't know how to reach you  
I hear your voice in the wind  
I feel you under my skin  
Within my heart and my soul  
I'll wait for you  
Adagio

All of these nights without you  
All of my dreams surround you  
I see and I touch your face  
I fall into your embrace  
When the time is right, I know  
You'll be in my arms  
Adagio

I close my eyes and I find a way  
No need for me to pray  
I've walked so far  
I've fought so hard  
Nothing more to explain  
I know all that remains  
Is a piano that plays

If you know where to find me  
If you know how to reach me  
Before this light fades away  
Before I run out of faith  
Be the only woman to say  
That you'll hear my heart  
That you'll give your life  
Forever you'll stay…

Oh…

Don't let this light fade away  
No, no, no, no, no, no  
Don't let me run out of faith  
Be the only woman to say  
That you believe, make me believe  
You won't let go  
Adagio…

When she is done, with that small catch in her voice, I am torn. I don't know if to run down there and tell her I still love her or stay here and hide. There are tears running down my cheeks. I can't help them. I give the order to go into a commercial break by a mere miracle. I ask Wendy to take over for the next few minutes and I walk out of the control booth and practically run into the bathroom.

I quickly splash my face with cold water and come back since I don't want to miss a single thing on this show, especially nothing she says. I'm past pretending not to care. That song was about us and she is telling me something with it.

Do I have what it takes to make this work again? What about my current girlfriend? What is Ashley after?

I don't have time to answer any of the questions since we are back from break and Sasha is standing up waiting to greet Ashley as she walks towards her. As if sensing my presence, she looks up towards the glass wall and our eyes meet.

Without thinking about my actions and not knowing what possessed me to do so, I kiss the palm of my hand and blow the kiss at her. She lifts her hand as if catching the kiss and presses it to her heart and in return gives me that nose-crinkling smile of hers. Sasha tilts her head to the side and I can tell she's looking my way as well, but plays it cool.

She greets Ashley with a hug and a kiss and the show is underway.

0-0

_The song used in this chapter is Adagio by Lara Fabian. I would encourage you to look it up and listen to it. It is amazingly beautiful._


	4. Meeting

_A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews! I wanted to clear something out. Some people seemed to think that because Spencer blew Ashley a kiss in the last chapter, they are getting back together. That is simply not so! They have a lot of ground to cover before they can even talk about the possibility of getting back together. I've just barely started writing the chapter when they come face to face for the first time, and this is not going to happen overnight. Rest assured I'm not going to rush this. I hope you like this chapter as well and I'd love to know what you think of it. _

_As always, I owe nothing but my ideas, crazy as they might be._

_For my girl, because she makes me believe. For V, cuz she asked for this chapter. And for M, cuz she is too cool!_

**Mine to Love Again**

**Chapter 3: Meeting**

Ashley's POV

I walked over to the makeshift stage and looked at my band, making eye contact with each of them. They're my extended family now and we've been together for the past four years. I know Kyla is somewhere close by, but I don't see her right away. The orchestra is already settled and ready to go. Everyone is dressed in black, with me being the only one wearing jeans. It's casual, yet elegant and the perfect setting for both of the songs I've chosen to sing.

I smile when the audience starts calling my name and whistling. If there is something that makes me happy is feeding off the energy they project. It's a high I'll never want to give up. I no longer drink or touch illegal substances because I've learned that this natural high they give me beats all of that. I know my career is where it is right now because I'm married to it and give it my all.

I take a moment to myself and sit at the piano while running my fingers softly over the keys without pressing any of them too hard. I'm nervous as hell, I won't deny that. Today, I finally come face to face with Spencer Carlin and I have no idea how that meeting will go. No idea what her reaction is going to be like. All I know is that whatever comes of it, I want to still try.

The songs I choose to sing are very meaningful and speak of the pain I've been carrying around with me since we parted ways. It's incredible that she is the only person on this earth I've ever felt this way about. No matter how I tried to move on and forget her, nothing worked. Music is my escape, my safe heaven and it has kept me sane this long. The songs I write tend to be on the melancholic side, about having found love and losing it, but I also write about falling in love and making it work.

I take a deep breath as I see Spencer's assistant begin to check last second issues and gets the okay from all. She lifts her hand and starts counting down to the beginning of the show. Lights go out, there is a collective gasp from the audience and then Sasha is speaking. Once she is done and points towards me, a spotlight comes on right over me and the audience goes crazy.

"I hope you know this is for you, _Indie_," I whisper as I close my eyes and start playing the piano, soon followed by my band and the orchestra.

I keep my eyes close the entire time, knowing she is here listening to me. I can't keep my voice one hundred percent steady, but it fits the song that way. I know my voice catches more than once, I know my choppy breathing can be heard as I sing to her, I know she can tell that and more. I can't help the tears that escape the corners of my eyes because this song means so much to me. I know it's mainly my fault for walking away, but I still believe I did the right thing for her.

I just hope she can forgive me one day and I hope we can become friends once more. For now, that is all I want.

As I get to the end of the song, I take a shuddering and audible breath and let it out as a tiny sob. I couldn't help it. Right now, I feel like an emotional train wreck and nothing is going to change that. Thankfully, the moment I finish singing and the music stops, the lights go back out and Sasha is telling the enthusiastic audience we will be right back after a small break.

After running my fingers over my eyes discretely I get up and walk towards her. Just as I am nearing her, something makes me look up and there she is, standing against the glass wall, arms wrapped around her waist. She is dressed in tailored black slacks and a baby blue button down shirt. The sleeves are rolled back some over her wrists and she looks elegant, yet casual. Our eyes lock and it's all I can do to keep on breathing. Then she does something I never would have expected. She blows me a kiss and I swear to you my heart tripped over itself before it took off at a furious pace. Not even thinking about it, I lift my hand as if to capture the kiss and press my fist against my heart and return her tiny smile with my own.

I feel elated and hopeful that we'll be able to talk and find our way back to each other as friends. I daren't hope for more because I know about her girlfriend and my intention is not to break things up between them. I won't lie and pretend like I'm okay with her having someone in her life that isn't me, but I can deal with it as long as I know she is happy. From what our friends say, no one likes her much, but I won't judge until I know more.

I finally reach Sasha and she gives me a hug. "That was incredible. It's one thing to listen to the song on the CD and another to listen to you live. You made me shed a couple of tears, Ashley Davies," she tells me with a small smile.

I smile back. "Makes two of us, then."

"She must be something special."

I simply nod. No reason to act dumb and pretend I don't know what she's talking about. "Yeah, she is."

"I won't ask about it during the interview."

"I don't care if you do. I think she knows anyways."

She nods and we walk over to the sitting area and take our places. She points to a mug in front of me.

"Chamomile tea with a hint of honey and a crushed, fresh mint leaf."

I smile gratefully and take a small sip of the hot liquid. As much as I love coffee, when I sing I usually have tea.

"Thanks so much. I don't usually ask for much, but I love having this when I have to sing."

"It's no problem. Funny, but I only know one other person that takes it the same way you do," she tells me and I notice the look in her eyes. She is definitely up to something here.

"Yeah?"

She nods but before she is able to say anything else, we're ready to go back on. As they are counting down again, I look up and there she is, looking down at me. I can't really see her face clearly, but I can tell her body is not relaxed. I seriously hope she doesn't think I'm going to do something to hurt her.

I snap my gaze back to Sasha as she starts speaking and the show gets under way. The questions at first are all related to the new CD, my recent tour and future plans. Sasha has a way to making her guest feel at ease and it works on me, too. So I tell her about all of that and more.

Then come the more personal questions, the ones that usually scare me, but I am done hiding at this point.

"I know you have several tattoos. Want to talk about the significance of them and maybe show us a few?"

I chuckle. "I can show you a couple of them."

At this point, the audience is whistling and asking to see them. I grin at them and wiggle my eyebrows.

"Oh! Does that mean some are in places you can't show on TV?" Sasha asks with a smirk.

I laugh. "Not really. Just on my back and I don't think taking my shirt off right now would be a good idea!"

"Take it off!" I hear someone yell from the audience and the rest agree or laugh.

I take off the cuff on my left wrist and show Sasha the side of it where I have a simple music treble clef. "I got this one done when I was touring for the first time."

"I like the simplicity of it," she tells me as the camera does a close-up of it.

"Yeah. Music really means everything to me. Most of my tattoos are music related."

I take off my other cuff and show her the three shooting stars on the inside of my right wrist. Each star is a different color and there are lines and little stars connecting each of them. "This one signifies the three most important people in my life. The purple star is for my dad, the pink one is for my sister Kyla and the blue one is for the love of my life," I finish softly as I run my finger over each of them.

Sasha nods thoughtfully. "When did you get that one done?"

"About two years ago."

"Can we see another?"

"Yeah, sure. I can show you one more." I get up and lift my shirt a little and start unbuttoning my jeans. As you can imagine, the audience goes crazy and I look at them with a smirk on my face. "Calm down, it's mostly innocent and I am so not taking my jeans off!" I joke.

A collective groan fills the studio and I laugh along with Sasha. I pull the side of my jeans down a bit and lift my shirt more. I see Sasha moving closer to examine it. It's a staff with music notes and in between the notes, the name _Indie_ is written in black script with shadows of blue around the letters.

"That's really beautiful, Ashley," she exclaims and the audience seems to agree as the camera does another close-up. "You dedicated the song you just sang to "Indie" and I see that is the name on the tattoo as well. I'm going to assume the blue star is hers, also."

"Yeah. I had the staff one done a year ago when something happened and I finally accepted a simple truth."

"Can I ask what that truth is?"

I button up my jeans and sit back down with a serious look on my face. "Indie is the muse that has inspired my music from the moment she came into my life and she is also the only woman I will ever truly love."

I look at Sasha as I say this and then my gaze goes up to the woman itself just in time to see her wipe her fingers at the corners of her eyes. Sasha's eyes follow mine and then we look back at each other and I see comprehension dawn there. Looks like she's finally figured it out.

"This woman that you speak of, _Indie_, is she your current girlfriend?"

"No. Actually, our relationship ended four years ago."

"But you still love her." She just says this like it's a statement of truth and I have to agree with a nod.

"I'll never stop. Even if we never get back together, she is _it_ for me."

"If you love her that much, Ashley, why aren't you with her or trying to win her back?"

"Because I was the one who let her go and she's never forgiven me for it." I fiddle with my fingers nervously before I continue. This is harder than I thought it would be. "At the time, I thought it best to give her a chance to live her life to the fullest. We were young, she was still in school and my career was just taking off. We didn't get to see each other often and I thought it wasn't fair to make her wait around for me when she had so much going for her. So I made the hardest decision of my life and let her go. It was never a question of love or commitment, there was never anyone else. I just loved her too much and didn't think it was fair that she sit around waiting for me to come home for a couple of days every six months."

"I don't mean to pry, Ashley, but did you ever ask her if that was what she wanted?"

I look at her and frown. "What do you mean?"

"Did you ever ask her if she wanted to wait for you? Did you not think she could handle it?"

After taking a shuddering breath and wringing my fingers together, I answer honestly. "No, I didn't ask. I made the decision for us."

"And do you regret your decision now?"

"That is hard to answer because it's a yes and a no combined. _No_, because she's done very well with her life. She has a great career now and she's made her parents and I proud. Everything I wanted her to have, she does now. However, _yes_, I regret it because I no longer have her in my life and there is a huge void in it since I let her go."

"I just have one more question and then we're moving off this sensitive subject. If you knew she could hear you right now, if she was watching the show, what would you say to Indie?"

I took a shuddering breath because I knew Sasha was doing this to help me talk to Spencer. I look right at the camera as I spoke.

"I'd like for her to know how very proud I am of her and what she has accomplished. I would like her to know she's an incredible woman and I love her very much, and that if she gives me a chance, I'd like for us to be friends again. I know there is someone in her life right now and my intention is not to break them up. I'm happy as long as she is, so I'd just like the opportunity to renew our friendship and to be a part of her life again, even if that part is small."

Sasha nodded in satisfaction. "Alright, we're not here to pry into your love life, but to get to know more about the artist. So we're going to take a small break and when we come back, we'll talk a little more about that and let some lucky people in the audience ask some questions before you delight us with your music again."

I simply smiled and nodded; thankful she was dropping the subject. I don't know what I would have done if she had pressed for more. As it was she had asked me something I had never really thought about. I never asked Spencer if she was okay with things as they were and just made the stupid decision on my own. Kind of makes me look like a dumdass, doesn't it?

0-0

Spencer's POV

I watched mesmerized as she showed Sasha her tats. When she lifted her shirt and unbuttoned her jeans I almost fell to my knees when I saw her abs. They were even more marked than before and all I wanted to do was run my fingers over the tight muscles and follow them with my tongue. I blushed when I thought of it and reminded myself for the hundredth time that day that I had a girlfriend and Ashley and I were long over.

However, the voice inside my head reminded me I was just kidding myself if I thought Veronica could ever hold a candle to Ashley. There was no one quite like her and there never would be. The sooner I accepted that, the better off I'd be. I wasn't saying I was going to get back together with her, but I definitely had to let Veronica go. I was just stringing her along and I would never be able to give her what she wanted or needed in a relationship.

When Sasha asked Ashley about asking me if I would have waited, I knew by the look on her face that it had never occurred to her to do so. She truly thought she had done what was best for me. Maybe she thought I'd suffer with her gone all the time. Maybe she thought I'd drop out of school to follow her around. Maybe she thought I'd be happier with someone else that was here and could have an actual relationship with me instead of me waiting around for her to come home.

Now that I was hearing her talk about it, now that I could see her expression and the conviction in her eyes, I knew she truly thought she did what was best for all involved. Only she never moved past loving me just like I never stopped loving her. A lot of good it did us!

She did it out of love and how could I seriously hate her for that? I mean, I still wanted to beat her ass up, but I think I understood her reasoning for the first time in four years. I owed her so much if you thought about it. Even when we weren't together she made sure I finished school, had a great place to live, a wonderful car to drive, friends and family close by that could keep me sane.

Meanwhile, she only had her music to keep her company. Kyla was with her most times, but she also came home for months at a time while Ashley was somewhere in the world writing and thinking about us.

I hugged my arms closer to my shaking body and wondered again if there was any way to fix this. Any way we could find our way back to each other after such a long time apart. It was clear the love was still there and neither of us had changed that much. Sure, we'd both matured and grown up to be respectable young adults, but inside, we were still two girls in love and unable to move on because we were missing the other half of ourselves.

Maybe it was time to talk and put the past to rest. Maybe it was time to accept what was still there for both of us. Kyla, Madison and Chelsea had been right all along in trying to get us back together. I mean, Ashley had been all for it but I had been a hard ass and kept coming up with excuses not to see her. Even now all she was asking for was friendship, thinking I loved my current girlfriend. She was being selfless and supportive of my relationship and that spoke highly of her character and how much she still loved me.

We were both guilty here.

We were both unhappy with how things were.

We were still in love with each other.

Maybe it was time.

Maybe this was it.

I looked down and watched a screen lower behind Ashley and Sasha. One of Ashley's song started playing in the background as a collage of pictures started showing up on the screen. They took the audience from the time Ashley was a cute little baby to her teenage years in high school. All of the pictures I was in had been chosen because my face was not clear. In one, my head was laying on Ashley's lap at the beach, face covered by big sunglasses and a hat, in another we were walking hand in hand towards the beach and it only showed our backs, another I had my face buried in her neck as I snuggled on her lap. Then came the pictures from the concerts, pictures of her getting her tats, some of her posing with fans at signing, etcetera. It was an amazing collection of the real Ashley, surrounded by the people she loved most and the things she enjoyed.

She had a bittersweet smile on her face the entire time the pictures were showing. I noticed Sasha looking back up at me and I had to lower my head. I wasn't ready to talk to her yet, but I knew I would have no choice. She already knew it was me Ashley was talking about which is why she had stopped questioning Ashley about the person she loved.

When the pictures were done, Sasha asked a few more questions and then it was time for three audience members to ask questions. Ashley answered with smiles and thankfully no one asked anything too personal. Her fans really loved and respected her and I was more than happy to see that.

Then Sasha took a copy of her new CD from the table next to her and showed it to the audience.

"Today is the official release of Ashley's new CD _Wishful Thinking_ and guess what? For being such a great audience, each of you gets an autographed copy of the CD today!"

The news was received with loud applause and cheers while Ashley smiled at the audience.

Sasha turned back to Ashley. "It's been a real pleasure having you on the show and I thank you for trusting me with an entire live hour of your time. We all know you don't do this often and it's been a real honor."

"No, Sasha, thank you for giving me the opportunity to do this today and to share my music with my fans and the people I love the most."

"Will you sing one more song for us before we go?"

"It would be my pleasure."

Once again, loud clapping and cheers were heard from the audience as Ashley gave Sasha one more hug and headed over to the piano. I took another shuddering breath when her eyes lifted and sought mine again.

"Once again, this is for you, Indie. This is how I feel. The song is called _To Love Again_."

Her eyes lowered to the piano keys as she started playing once again.

_Every night, every day  
I tell my heart to forget you and to move away  
Not to break anymore  
But, oh, no matter what I say  
You're so deep in my mind  
There's no way to leave this love behind, mmm_

It used to be  
I believed I could go on  
And find someone to rest upon, anyone, anyone  
Soon I found  
There was no other  
There you are  
Framed against the sky  
You are my life, I pray for when  
You will be mine  
To love again

I see the rain in the sky  
I see your face  
Through every tear that I cry  
With every breath and every sound  
I can hear another voice and swear that you're around  
And every word is clear  
Cause I know  
The memory won't let go  
Until you're mine  
To love…again (again)

Who's to say what lives in the past  
Who's to say that love won't last  
Time's been standing still  
Waiting so patiently until  
Until that one day when  
When I will have you  
Love again, to love again

There you are  
Framed against the sky  
You are my life  
And I pray for when  
You will be mine  
To love again, oh  
Love again, oh

Thunderous applause followed when she was done and she wiped the tears from her eyes once more as she faced the audience, got up and bowed. Then she turned towards her band and pressed her hands against her chest and bowed to them while they did the same to her with big smiles on their faces. She clapped at the orchestra and they bowed.

I watched the entire things with tears streaming down my own face.

I had some serious thinking to do and some serious decisions to make and the sooner I did both, the better off we would _all_ be.

0-0

_A/N 2: The song used in this chapter is To Love Again, by Lara Fabian. Like the last song, I highly recommend you listen to it. She is an amazing artist._


	5. Unexpected

_A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews, guys! I love them. The title of the chapter should be self-explanatory, so don't be surprised by what happens! Let me know what you think of it._

_Usual disclaimers apply, since I owe nothing!_

**Mine to Love Again**

**Chapter 4: Unexpected**

Ashley's POV

Once the show was over and I was back in the makeup room having my makeup removed, I was exhausted. Kyla handed me a bottle of water and I smiled thankfully at her. I was so ready to go home and crash at this point.

"We're leaving as soon as I'm done here," I told her.

Her surprise was clear. "You don't want to stick around and say hi?"

"No. There is the party tonight and I can try to do so there. Right now wouldn't be a good idea."

"Because you're emotionally spent and raw?" she asked me softly.

"Yeah. I really just want a warm bath followed by a long nap. Maybe then I'll be ready to face the music, as they say."

"Sounds like a plan. I think Chelsea and Madison are coming over to the house so we can all get ready and show up at the party together."

"Will you call Maddy and ask her to cook for us if she can? Man, I'd love to eat one of her famous lasagnas tonight."

"I think that can be arranged. I'm going to go call our driver and make sure he's at the back entrance to pick us up the moment we step outside. I've no idea if your fans will be camped out there."

I chuckled knowing she was right. She left and a few minutes later I followed. A security officer escorted me down the hallway and towards the exit. I put on my sunglasses right before he opened the door. As Kyla had predicted, there were a bunch of screaming fans waiting for me the moment I stepped out. Since I appreciated them an awful lot, I did my usual round of signing autographs, posed for a few pictures and then I was able to leave.

The moment the limo took off, Kyla wrapped her arm around me and gave my shoulder a squeeze. "How are you really doing?"

"Better than I thought. I figured I'd be a mass of nerves, but I'm actually doing okay. Seeing her after so long gave my poor heart a workout, but I was happy to see her. I didn't get to see her up close, but damn if she didn't look beautiful."

"Are you going to try and talk to her tonight?"

"I'd like to try. I guess it all depends in whether she brings her girl or not. If she does, I'll be keeping my distance and leaving early. We should take both cars just in case."

"No way, sis. We're in this together and the moment you don't feel comfortable anymore, we're all leaving with you. We'll take my car so we all fit comfortably."

I laughed at her. "You just want to show off your new Audi, Ky, don't even try to pretend otherwise!"

She laughed as well. "It's probably the best birthday gift you've given me, Ash, and Maddy and Chels haven't been able to see it yet, so it works perfect."

We chatted about everyday things the rest of the way to the beach house and the moment we got in, I gave her a big hug, kissed her forehead and headed towards my room. I shed my clothes and took a quick, warm shower instead of the bath I had been thinking about. All of a sudden I was sleepy and I needed to rest before tonight since I had no idea how that would go. I didn't even bother putting on clothes, but got under the covers naked and was asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow.

0-0

Kyla's POV

I walked into my room and closed the door after me. I hit speed-dial number three on my phone and waited. It didn't ring long before it was picked up.

"Hola, mamita. How is she?" was all I got for a greeting and I smiled.

"She's probably asleep by now. She's emotionally and physically spent, but holding up. Tonight should tell us more."

"What time should we come over?"

"As soon as you can. She wants you to cook your famous lasagna before we go to the party. I think she wants us to spend some time together as family before she has to face Spencer. She didn't say it, but I'm sure she's nervous as hell, babe."

"That sounds like a good idea. She's wanted this for so long I can't even imagine what must be going through her head. The show was amazing, by the way. Did you know she called Spencer _Indie_?"

"I only found out about it when she got the tat done last year. She told me she started calling Spencer that because they used to watch a lot of independent films together before she started going on tour and the name seemed to fit. It was their little secret."

"Did Spence have a name for Ash as well?"

"Apparently so, but Ash won't tell me what it is."

"I swear those two are just meant to be together. I don't know why it's taken them so long to talk again. I hope tonight opens the lines of communication because I'm so over this."

"You and I both, babe. If tonight is a total bust or Spencer starts acting like an idiot, I'm done with them. It pisses me off that they are so perfect for each other, _still_ love each other like crazy, but are so damn stubborn. Especially Carlin. A mule has nothing on her!"

"You're right and I'm going to take a moment tonight to give Spence a piece of my mind one last time. She seriously needs to get over herself. She can have the love of her life with her and she does nothing about it. Not all of us are that lucky!"

"Yeah, she does and you're right, not all of us have the ones we wish we had. And she needs to get rid of Veronica."

"Ugh, will she be there tonight?"

"Thankfully, no, she wasn't invited to it!"

I heard Madison laughing and joined in.

"Sometimes I think she picks these losers knowing we won't support her relationship and then she can just dump them without much trouble from us." Madison stopped for a moment and let out a sigh. "Let me stop, Veronica really isn't that bad. We just never gave her a chance because we know Spence doesn't love her. Anyways, I'm gonna hang up so you can get some rest, babe. I know you've been up since the crack of dawn and we'll have plenty of time to talk once I get there. I'll stop by the store to pick up the ingredients on my way over. Should I come over soon?"

"Yeah, I'd love that. I'll help you cook since it wasn't part of the plans for today, Maddy."

"It's okay. I don't mind being there for you guys. Should I pick Chels on the way?"

"I'll call her right now and tell her."

"No, I'll call her. Why don't you go shower and take a small nap as well until we get there? It'll take us at least an hour before we arrive. I'm sure you're just as exhausted as she is."

"Thanks, doll, that does sound like a good idea. You still have your key, right?"

"Yeah, mamita, I'll wake you up when we get there."

"Thanks, honey."

I hung up a phone with a smile on my face. There was something about Madison that always made me feel like everything would be okay. She always had my back and looked after me more than any other of my friends. I was grateful for that because sometimes I got so involved in my job as Ashley's manager that I forgot about my own needs, but Madison was always there to remind me.

After a shower and changing into my favorite girl boxers and a tight tank top, I lay down and was asleep within minutes.

0-0

Spencer's POV

"So I can't come?" she deadpanned.

I held back a sigh for what felt like the hundredth time since I had stepped into Veronica's apartment and rubbed at my temples tiredly. I really just wanted to go home, have a cold beer and relax before I had to head over to the party.

"It's a work related get together, Ronnie, and I can't just bring you."

"Yeah, that's the damn problem with you. You _never_ bring me to anything, Spencer, be it work related or family. Why exactly are you with me?"

"I don't want to do this right now, babe. I have to take care of a few things before tonight and I'm a little pressed for time."

"I don't give a damn! We're doing this right now or that's it. I'm done with you."

"Are you kidding me?"

"No, I'm not. I'm tired of always being second best, Spencer, and you know that's what I am. I never get to go with you anywhere. I don't see you that often anymore and your friends hate me. We've never, in _four_ months, had sex at you place, let alone spent the night there. You always refuse to spend the night here and leave the minute we're done. What exactly am I to you? Because right now it feels like I'm only good for when you want some and that's it."

What was I supposed to say when she was right about everything she was telling me? I never gave much of myself to any of the women I dated, I _never_ brought anyone home to have sex, much less spend the night and I wasn't going to change any of that. She was better off without me.

"You're right, Ronnie, about everything you're saying. Maybe it's best if we just stop seeing each other. I'm only hurting you and I'm not going to change the way I do things."

"Don't you care about me at all?" she asked me in a deflated tone.

"You're a wonderful woman, Ronnie, and we've had a good time together, but I'm not going to lie to you and say something I don't mean just to make you happy. I do care about you, but not in the way I should and certainly not in the way you _deserve_."

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Her blue eyes watered a bit and I felt like an ass for doing this to her.

"Is it something I've done?"

"No!" I was quick to reassure her. I took her hand and led her over to her sofa and sat down facing her. It was time to be honest with her because she deserved that much. "Listen, Veronica, this is all on _me_. I just can't love anyone like I should because I've only ever loved one woman deeply and she still has a pretty tight hold on my heart. I never got over her and no matter how much I try to make it work with someone else; I can't seem to find a way."

"Spencer, if you love her so much, why the hell aren't you with her?"

Good question. One I needed to find answers to, and soon.

"I'm not really sure, to be honest with you."

"Do your friends know her? Is that the reason they hate me?"

I sighed. "They don't hate you. It's just we've all known each other for a lot of years and are a pretty tight group. They know how I feel about her and want us to get back together, so it's not you necessarily, Ronnie, but their desire to see us both happy and together again. They've been like this to the few girls I've introduced them to."

"Is she really worth it, though? If she loves you so much, why isn't she trying to get you back?"

"She has been trying to talk to me for the past couple of years, but it's me that's been keeping it from happening."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "Why? You just told me you love her. Why are you being so stubborn about it? It's not fair for the rest of us, you know. You're an amazing woman, Spencer, so it's no wonder women want you. If you're not going to find happiness with any of us, maybe you need to think about things and get your girl back."

"It's not as easy as it sounds."

"It might be if you give it a chance. I think it's _you_ making it more difficult than it needs to be."

"So what am I supposed to do, Ronnie? Jump right back into her arms like the past four years didn't happen?" I ask in frustration.

"No, that's not what I'm saying at all and you know it, Spencer. However, I think it's a good idea to talk to her again and see where things stand. Maybe get to know each other again, go on a date, anything other than the silent treatment you're apparently giving her. And if it doesn't work out once you try it again and you decide you want to move on, then give me a call!"

I chuckled at her words. "You're wonderful and I hope you know that. I hope we can remain friends after I've fucked this up so badly with you."

"I don't hate you, if that's what you're thinking. I do wish you had been honest with me before now because I really thought I was doing something wrong. I'm not thrilled about letting you go, because I do care about you, but I also don't want to be with someone that is in love with someone else. I think I deserve better than that."

I took her hand in mine again and gave it a gentle squeeze. "You're absolutely right. You do deserve someone that can love you fully. I'm so sorry for making you feel like you were doing something wrong since I'm the one at fault here, especially because you're being so nice about the entire thing. You could be screaming at me and calling me every name in the book, and I'd just take it 'cause I know I deserve it."

"I don't work that way, Spencer. If you don't want to be with me, I'd rather know and move on than keep on wondering what's going on. What is screaming and insulting you going to accomplish?"

"Nothing much I suppose."

"If you want my friendship, you got it. Just promise me that you're going to go find her and at least talk to her."

I nodded. "I will."

She got up and I followed. We walked over to the door and I gave her a tight hug.

"Kiss me one last time, Carlin, so I have something to remember you by."

So I did just that. It was just a sweet little kiss to say goodbye to a woman that had been more understanding than I deserved. I kept it simple and we broke apart slowly.

"Thank you for finally being honest with me, Spencer." She surprised me by slapping my ass. "Now get the hell out of here and go get your girl. She's waited long enough on your sorry ass."

I chuckled, kissed her lips softly one more time and closed the door as I stepped outside into the hallway. I knew without a doubt that when the time was right, Veronica would make some lucky woman very happy, indeed.

0-0

Madison's POV

I walked into Kyla's room without knocking 'cause I didn't want to startle her if she was still asleep, which I was assuming she was since there was no noise coming from her room when I pressed my ear against the door.

Chelsea had gone to wake up Ashley.

As I near the bed, I smile at how peaceful she looks. I sit on the edge of the bed and brush away the hair that is covering her eyes gently. Running my finger down her soft cheek makes her nose twitch a little and I have to hold back a chuckle. She blinks her eyes open slowly and a small smile adorns her face when she sees me.

"Hola, mamita," I whisper to her.

"Hey, Maddy."

"Dinner is almost ready, so you might want to get up and either shower or come and keep me company."

Her eyes widened at my words. "I told you I'd help you! Why didn't you wake me up sooner?"

"It's been a very stressful week for you and I wanted you to rest."

She threw her arms around my neck and pulled me towards her, causing me to lose my balance and my upper body landed on hers with a soft whoosh. I buried my nose in her hair and inhaled her sweet scent, which made me dizzy as I held her close as she hugged me tightly.

"Thank you, Maddy," she whispered and I swear I melted at the husky tones in her sleepy voice.

I lifted my body up from hers a little and our eyes locked on each other's and held. Breathing became an issue after that for me and I was unable to move. She was looking back at me like she didn't know what was happening either and neither of us spoke. My hands were on either side of her face as I held myself up. She tilted her head a little on the pillow and just kept staring at me curiously as if trying to figure out what was going through my mind.

I'll tell you what is going through my mind. I want to fucking kiss her so bad it's taking all of my self-control not to lean back down and crash our lips together. Kyla is not like that, so I would be making a huge mistake and possibly losing her friendship and I'd rather not have that happen.

I finally blink several times to clear the fog from my brain. "Umm, I should get back in the kitchen and let you get ready."

I lean my body back but as I go to get up from the bed, she grabs my wrist and stops me.

"Maddy?"

"Yeah," I say without looking at her. I know if I do I will crumble.

Her hand tugs me back towards her and my body willingly goes. I'm back in the position I had just gotten out of. Our eyes lock on each other again and I can feel my heartbeat going too fast for it to be considered normal. My breathing is a little ragged as well and I finally notice hers is too. I can see the pulse at the base of her neck going just as fast as mine.

What the hell does that mean? Does she want this as well? Because if she does, I'm all for it.

"What's happening here?"

Her question throws me and I have no fucking clue how to answer her. I wonder if actions would speak louder than words here. What if I lean down and just kiss her? Will she kiss me back or will she punch me in the face and scream for help?

I swallow hard and go for broke. If this blows up in my face, fuck it, I'll figure out a way to fix it later. If I don't try, I'll regret it the rest of my life. So I start lowering my head towards hers and I see her eyes fluttering close and I take that as an invitation.

There is probably one inch separating our lips when there is a slight knock on the door and I spring back and I'm off the bed in three seconds flat, my heart still pounding like crazy.

"Come in," Kyla says quietly while she's looking everywhere but at me.

I turn towards the door to see Ashley peeking in. "Hey, guys, Chels is about to serve dinner and she wants you both out here so we can eat together."

"We'll be right there, Ash," Kyla answers and I nod.

Ashley smiles at us and then closes the door softly behind her, but not before locking gazes with me and I break into a cold sweat. It's like she _knows_ what I was about to do.

"We should probably get out there before the food gets cold," I say without looking at Kyla.

As I hear her getting up from the bed I walk towards the door. Right before I open it, her hand covers mine on the door knob.

"We're so talking about this as soon as we get more alone time, Madison Duarte. Don't think for an instant that you'll be avoiding the subject of that almost kiss."

Her words stun me speechless and I can only nod my head like an idiot before turning the knob and letting her walk out first. I know my face is blushed a bright red and I tell her to go on ahead since I have to stop in the bathroom to wash my hands. She just keeps on walking without acknowledging me and my eyes roam up and down her fit body before I can stop myself.

I walk into the guest bathroom and splash cold water on my heated face while I cuss myself out in both English and Spanish, with a bit of Spanglish thrown in for good measure. Believe me; I can be pretty creative when I want to or the situation calls for it!

Knowing I can't delay going into the kitchen any longer, I walk in there with a plastered smile on my face. They all turn to look at me and I feel like I'm facing the firing squad.

Fuck me sideways! My life suddenly sucks ass.


	6. The Party

_A/N: I'm glad you guys liked the last chapter and were surprised by the new developments. This is probably the one chapter you've all been waiting for and you might want to kill me for the ending, but things finally move a little forward, so keep that in mind!_

_As always, for my three girls._

_Whatever you celebrate this season, may it be a happy and safe one, may the new year bring you joy, prosperity and health, and may all your dreams come true. Happy holidays, all!_

**Mine to Love Again**

**Chapter 5: The Party**

Ashley's POV

While dinner is entertaining and we catch up with each other, I can tell there is a lot of tension between my sister and Madison. Whatever the hell I interrupted when I knocked on Kyla's door earlier must be big for them to be acting so out of character with each other. I've been gone for too long, so I've missed a lot of what's going on with my friends and now I feel like maybe I've missed more than I ever thought.

Which only makes me feel guilty.

The only reason I stayed away for so long was mainly to keep my distance from Spencer. I knew I would have probably tried harder to make her talk to me had I been here. So I stayed away to keep us both sane. In doing so, I neglected my other friendships with people that have been on my side for a long time. I definitely need to fix that and I need to do it soon.

Once we're done eating and chatting, I get up and start gathering dishes. I look at Kyla and smile at her.

"Why don't you and Chelsea start getting ready while Maddy and I clean up?"

I notice the small frown on Kyla's face but she nods nonetheless and gets up. Chelsea follows chatting happily about what she is going to wear. Maddy looks like she'd rather follow them that be with me, which only makes me more certain that something is going on with them. Without saying much, she starts bringing plates into the kitchen.

We've done this before, so we get into a rhythm right away as I try to figure a way to ask her what's going on without sounding like I'm being interfering.

"Thanks for dinner, Mads, it was amazing as always."

"No biggie, chica. You know I love cooking and sharing it with my friends."

"Hey, Maddy, you seeing anyone right now?" I ask after a few minutes of silence.

She shakes her head. "No. I've been single for a while now."

"How come? There're always so many guys vying for your attention."

She shrugs her shoulders a little but doesn't look at me. "I know, but there's no one that calls _my_ attention, so I don't bother. I'm tired of the same thing all the time. I'm taking a break."

"Just don't take one as long as me. It can get lonely," I tell her softly.

She finally looks at me and squeezes my shoulder. "I saw the show, Ash, and if that doesn't make her react, I don't think anything will. I have no idea why she's acting like this. It's not like you ever cheated on her, hit her or treated her badly. You left so she could live a better life, and maybe you _could_ have handled that better, but it still doesn't explain her behavior. I seriously think she is scared to let you back in because she never stopped loving you, either."

I can't help the deep sigh that escapes me.

"One can only hope, right? I'm gonna try talking to her tonight, but if she is not receptive, I'm giving up. There is nothing else I can do to make her want to be a part of my life again and I should not force her. I've been trying to get her to talk to me for the last two years and this is it. I'm giving up unless she tells me she wants to be friends. That's all I'm asking for, Maddy."

"I know, babe, and I hope she gives you that chance. If not, I'm going to give her a piece of my mind. I think she's dragged this on too long as well. I mean, she should realize the love you two shared and _still_ feel is not something you find every day."

"Don't you wish you could find the same, Mads? Don't you want to settle down with someone you love?" I tried since she was opening up more.

Another shrug. "It would be nice, but I don't think it will happen."

"Why is that?"

Now it was her turn to sigh deeply. "Because the person I like isn't interested in me."

"How do you know?"

"Actually, I don't know for sure," she admitted. "It's what I figure, though."

"Why would you assume? You don't know for sure so why are you giving up?"

"It's something I've never tried before, Ash, so I'm scared of what I'm feeling."

"What do you mean by that? What haven't you tried before?" I roll my eyes and shake my head when I realize how bad that sounded. "I'm sorry, Madison. I didn't mean that in a bad way."

Madison waves it away. "I know. I've done my share of crazy shit, but that's been over for a long time. And what I meant was that it's a _woman_, Ashley. I've felt this way about her for a while, but she is as straight as they come."

My eyes widened. I didn't really know what to say to her because even though I knew something was up, it never occurred to me that it would be this. "I didn't know you liked girls, Madison."

"I don't! Or at least I didn't until she came along and changed all of that. It was a slow progress and I didn't really notice until this past year. Now I don't know how to act around her, I don't know what to say to her when we're alone, and I hate it because it's always been so easy. Now I have to work at it so she doesn't notice what's going on."

"I see. Do we know her?"

She just nodded and looked away from me. And then it suddenly dawned on me and I could have kicked myself for not noticing this earlier. It was so _obvious_ now. The way they talked to each other, calling each other _baby_ all the time without even batting an eyelash, seeking each other all the time, Kyla coming back to visit every time she had a chance, their constant phone calls, emails and text messages.

"Do you think she might feel the same at some point?" I tried.

"I have no idea, Ash," she said dejectedly.

"Are you going to talk to her about it? I mean, do you want to _be_ with her?"

She crossed her arms protectively over her chest and looked at me seriously. "I'd like to try if given the chance. I mean, I've no idea if it will work, since nothing is ever for sure, but I won't know if I don't try, right?"

I nodded slowly, torn about what to tell her. I looked deep into her eyes and all I could see was longing and sincerity there. That pretty much reassured me and my decision was easier to make.

"Look, Madison, I never thought I'd be in this position and you and I have a long history, some of it shady, but we've moved past that and become good friends. I trust that you're being honest and this is real for you, so if _Kyla_ is okay with this, so am I. However, you hurt her and I will personally kick your ass."

Her eyes were so wide I couldn't help but chuckle a little.

I patted her shoulder and smiled. "You might want to breathe, chica."

Before she could snap out of it or reply, I walked out of the kitchen.

0-0

Spencer's POV

I arrived at Sasha's house before anyone else so I could help her prepare last minute details. Alice was already there and had everything under control, so I just went out on the patio with Sasha and looked out at the city lights all around us.

I could tell she was looking at me and waiting for an explanation. I knew it was futile to ignore it because she was like a rabid dog with a bone when she wanted to be so I took a deep breath before going into my story.

"We started going out during my junior year in high school. She was a senior then. She was also bigger than life, different from everyone else I had ever known and a breath of fresh air. There was no way I could resist her and from the moment we met, I was branded by her crinkly smile and her beautiful brown eyes.

"We became friends even when everyone told me she was bad news. She'd done some really stupid things in her life, but the moment we met, it's like she started changing for the better and I think to make me happy. So against all odds and everyone, I finally told her we had to be more than friends or nothing at all. That's where it all started.

"When I graduated high school, she asked me to move in with her and I did. Ours had been an arduous road, with many obstacles and people in the way, but our love was strong enough to conquer all of that and more. So I moved in and everything was wonderful. Then her music career started taking off while I was attending UCLA and we started seeing each other less.

"At first I didn't mind, but during my junior year, she was gone for six months and I missed her like crazy. At the same time, I was making my own friends and there was this girl, Carmen, that kept flirting with me. On a weekend that Ashley was going to come home and spend time with me, she decided to come pick me up at school as a surprise and saw me with her.

"We weren't doing anything bad, just laughing and talking as usual, and I didn't see her there, watching our exchange."

I sigh and look out towards the horizon, the memory of that day painful still.

"What happened then, Spencer?" Sasha asked softly as she came to stand by where I was leaning on the balcony rail.

"After saying goodbye to Carmen and her kissing me on the cheek, I left and went home to wait for Ashley. She didn't show and no matter how many times we tried to call or text her, she never answered and we were worried sick. No one knew where she was or if something had happened to her on the road. She finally came home close to midnight and she looked devastated to say the least. Not bothering to talk to any of us, she went towards our room. After exchanging shocked glances with Kyla and Aiden, I followed her while they went to bed knowing only I could handle it.

"When I walked into our room she was packing a suitcase and I couldn't for the life of me understand what was going on. So I asked, she told me what she had seen, and no matter how I tried to explain it was nothing, she just didn't believe me.

"Not sure what to do, I started kissing her and we ended up making love all night long and it was amazing."

I took a shuddering breath and ran my hand through my hair before continuing.

"When I woke up, she was _gone_ and there was only a note on her pillow telling me she was setting me free so I could pursue my life as I saw fit with someone that could be there with me and not traveling all over the world. Someone who could hug me when I needed it, dry my tears if I cried or laugh with me and someone that could keep me warm at night. All the things she could no longer do as often as she wished she could. That she loved me enough to let me go so I could be happy with someone that could dedicate time to me like I deserved.

"Needless to say, I was heartbroken and devastated because that was not what I wanted. I cried for weeks, and the only thing keeping me sane was school and my friends. Eventually I went out with Carmen, which was a total disaster. To be honest with you, all of my relationships since she left me have been. I don't know if I unconsciously measure every woman up against Ashley and they all come short, or what the hell my problem is, Sasha.

"I've not spoken to Ashley _once_ in the past four years, even though we've exchanged birthday and Christmas cards for the past two. Every one of our friends has been trying to set up a meeting between us for that long, but I've refused every time because I didn't feel like I could do it. Now, tonight, all of that will change and I have no fucking clue what I want.

"Do you _love_ her?" came the quiet question after a couple of minutes of silence.

I closed my eyes tightly as I felt my heart lurch. "I never stopped," I finally whisper.

"Oh, Spencer, you stubborn girl! It's so obvious she is still in love with you, too. Why can't you give her a chance?"

"Because I don't know if I can trust her with my heart again. I can't be that vulnerable once more."

"What about Veronica, then? How can you possibly carry on that relationship after tonight?"

"I don't have to worry about that anymore since I broke up with her earlier this afternoon. I was just stringing her along and she doesn't deserve that, so I told her what was going on."

"That was the right thing to do, Spencer. Now, why don't you want to talk to Ashley?"

"Because I'm afraid the minute I do, I'll want to be right back in her arms and I don't know if I can trust her not to leave me again. I couldn't survive it a third time."

"A _third_ time?"

I nodded slowly. "We broke up once during my senior year and that was no fun, either."

"I see. What about what she said on the show today? You do know those songs were about you, right? Hell, the entire CD is full of songs she wrote about love lost, about loving you forever and it's actually dedicated to _Indie_. You have to know she's never gotten over you either."

"I _know_ she loves me, Sasha. God, just _seeing_ her today made my heart beat so fast I thought I was going to pass out. She's so fucking beautiful and when she sings she makes my soul soar and takes my breath away."

"If you still feel all of that, then why not give her a chance, if only to explain why she did this?"

"I know why she did it, I actually _understand_ it."

"So then it's the fear holding you back?"

I turned to look at her. "If you were in my shoes, wouldn't you be afraid as well?"

"I would probably be scared shitless, _but_ I would still want to see if something is still there. I saw the look on her face, Spencer; I saw the sincerity in her eyes when she talked about you. Ashley Davis is crazy in love with you and I think you feel the same way about her."

"I don't even know her anymore, Sasha. She is some big superstar now, America's rock princess, not the girl I knew."

"I think you're mistaken. She's never let fame consume her. There are no tabloid rumors about her that are true, she doesn't drink nor does drugs. She is in this for the music, not the money. She might be more mature, more experienced, but I think she is still the girl you fell madly in love with and I think you'd be very stupid not to talk to her. At least give her the benefit of the doubt." She covered my hand with her own as she looked back towards the inside of her apartment and saw the guest arriving. She gave my hand a squeeze before turning to walk inside. "You're not a stupid woman, Spencer Carlin, remember that."

0-0

Ashley's POV

We arrived at the party an hour after it had started. I didn't know who would be in attendance and I didn't want to be there longer than necessary. It had been a long and stressful week and I wanted to show up, mingle a bit and then go back to the beach house and sleep the weekend away.

The ride here had been kind of quiet with me and Chelsea trying to keep the conversation going in the car since neither Kyla nor Madison seemed up to it. I had sat in the back seat and when they questioned me about it, I made some lame excuse about not having talked to Chelsea for a long time and already having spent some time with Madison in the kitchen catching up.

Madison shot me a glare and I smirked at her. That girl had it bad and judging by how nervous my little sister was, something was definitely up with her as well. She was fidgety as all hell and I knew maybe what Madison was feeling was not one sided. Where in the hell was I when all of this was happening? I so needed to cut back on my tours and spending time with family and friends needed to become a priority for me. Enough hiding for now. Even if Spencer didn't give me a chance, the others shouldn't have to suffer my long absences.

We were greeted at the door by Alice and Sasha immediately came our way. As I said hello and introduced her to my friends, I looked around quickly but I didn't see Spencer anywhere. The apartment was huge, though, so she could be anywhere.

"She's in the bathroom," Sasha said and surprised me. The others had already dispersed and I was alone with her.

"Who are you talking about?" I asked trying to play dumb. Obviously, I'd never be able to quit my job to become a ninja.

"_Indie_."

"Oh," I say and blush.

Yes, my eloquence astounds even me. Someone slap me before I become a permanent resident of Loserville.

"I'm paid very good money to read people well and to put two and two together, Ashley."

I didn't know what to say to that and just looked down at my feet.

Before either of us could speak, I saw her coming down the hall, but she didn't look our way and just smiled when she saw the rest of our friends and made a beeline for them. I watched from where I was as she kissed and hugged them all while I died a little inside. Envy was such an ugly feeling, but I couldn't help but feel it.

"Listen, Ashley, all I'm going to say to you is don't give up just yet. Spencer is one very stubborn woman, but she does have a heart of gold."

"I know that, Sasha. Believe me; no one knows that better than I do."

"Come on, let's get you something to drink and I'll introduce you around. Maybe after you relax a little, you can find the courage to seek her out and talk to her."

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea."

So that's what I did for the next hour. I was introduced to people I didn't know and caught up with some old acquaintances. Sasha never left my side and kept me away from Spencer for most of that time and it did help me relax while I sipped on my bottle of Perrier.

Finally, someone asked if I would play something on the baby grand piano Sasha had in her living room. As soon as people around us heard that, they all encouraged me as well. Since my band members had arrived by then and they always had acoustic guitars in their cars, they went to get a couple to accompany me. I didn't have much of a choice as I made my way to the piano. Once Vince and Rocco were sitting by me with their guitars, I tell them which song we're going to do. I start playing the piano and they immediately follow me while everyone watches. I have no idea where she is, but I can feel her eyes on me and it's somewhat comforting that she is once again going to hear me sing just for her.

I close my eyes and let the lyrics just flow from my very soul.

_If you only knew  
What I feel for you  
If you only lived for me  
The way I live for you  
Then I'd be in heaven  
My dreams would come true_

'Cause all I've ever wanted  
Is you  
And you alone  
And I love you so  
More than you could ever know  
All I've ever wanted  
Is you

If you were my own  
To caress and hold  
I would shower you with love  
And drown within your soul  
'Cause I live and breathe for you  
And I really need you to know

That all I've ever wanted  
Is you  
And you alone  
And I love you so  
More than you could ever know  
All I've ever wanted  
Is you

Everything I do is for you  
And you are every part of me  
And I don't want to face  
Another day  
Alone  
Without your love

'Cause all I've ever wanted  
Is you  
And you alone  
And I love you so  
More than you could ever know  
All I've ever wanted  
Is you  
All I've wanted  
Is you

I finish the song and people all around me start clapping enthusiastically and asking for more. Knowing this is how I feel more comfortable and knowing this is how I express myself the best, I continue playing several more songs, at one point even taking over on one of the guitars and letting Rocco play the piano.

I feel much better by the end of the impromptu performance and my nerves have calmed down significantly. I look around at every body and smile my thanks as I get up. Sasha is immediately at my side and hands me another bottle of water. I smile thankfully at her and then go to use the bathroom quickly.

Once I'm done, I feel like a little bit of fresh air and walk towards the French doors that lead to the balcony. Thankfully no one is there when I walk out so I take a deep breath and spend several quiet moments just gazing out at the city. I hear the door opening again and turn in time to see her closing the doors quietly behind her.

My breath gets lodged somewhere in my lungs and my heart trips over itself several times before it decides to go at full gallop.

0-0

Spencer's POV

Seeing her chatting with everyone is pure torture. I want to talk to her, but again, I chicken out. I know Sasha is keeping her busy on purpose so I can chill out. I catch up with my friends and notice something weird with Madison and Kyla, but I am never alone with either to ask, so I make a mental note to talk to Chelsea later.

About an hour after Ashley arrives, she is asked to play, and she graciously agrees. My heart just aches as I watch her and listen to her beautiful voice. I know now most of the songs she writes are for me and I can't help but feel elated that she still loves me so much. Yeah, I do have an ego and it likes to be stroked every now and then. Knowing she loves me is still a big high for me, especially since I've come to accept that I'm still crazy in love with her.

Not that I have plans to tell her or anything, but that is the god's honest truth. I'm not just going to jump back into a relationship with her and we have plenty to talk about and discuss, but I do love her. I have from the moment I met her and probably until the moment I take my last breath. If there is such as thing as an afterlife, I'll probably love her there as well.

I'm enthralled by the expressions on her face as she sings and plays. Sometimes she locks eyes with one of the guys playing the guitars, sometimes she looks at the people gathered close to her, but she never looks at me. It was one thing to do so while we were in the studio, since no one could actually see me there, but here everyone would notice.

Once she is done playing, Sasha is at her side with a bottle of water and offers her thanks in the way of a hug. At this point, I am so sick of people touching that her I want to grab her, throw her over my shoulder and run out of here. I know it's barbaric of me, but come the fuck on! Everyone gets to touch her but me.

The annoying voice in the back of my mind reminds me whose _fault_ exactly that is, but I ignore it while I watch her walking down the hall towards one of the bathrooms. I wait until she comes back and watch as she walks out to the balcony. I look around and all of my friends are watching me and nodding their heads towards the doors.

Madison actually comes up to me and glares before taking a deep breath and unleashing her fury on me. She is like a damn hurricane at times, and this is certainly a category five.

"Don't be such a fucking pussy, Carlin, and get your ass out there and talk to her. For fuck's sake, enough is enough and you're driving all of us crazy. That woman out there is the love of your life and not all of us are lucky enough to find what you two had and could still have. Grow some damn balls and deal with this once and for all or I swear to you I'm going to kick your white ass!"

Before I can even begin to open my mouth to say something, she turns back around and leaves me standing over wide eyed. I look back towards Kyla and Chelsea and they are glaring at me as well.

Taking a deep breath and finally finding my courage, I walk in the direction of the doors. I see she is standing still looking out at the city below her and I open the door softly, as not to startle her.

She turns around and our gazes meet and lock. I forget to breathe and my hands are shaking so bad I lace my fingers together behind my back. I'm not sure who is supposed to speak first as we just take in each other up close for the first time in four years. The only thing I want right now is to hold her for a while.

"Spence," she finally whispers in a broken voice and I see her eyes filling quickly with unshed tears.

"Hey, Ash," I whisper back softly.

Before she can say anything else, I close the remaining space between us and wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her body close to mine as my eyes close and I take a deep breath and her perfume drugs my senses.

_I'm_ _home_ is the first thing that crosses my mind as her arms come up and wrap around my neck. As I hear her sobs start, my arms tighten around her and tears fill my own eyes and run down my cheeks.

Nothing is fixed, nothing has been said, but I can't help but think this is a step in the right direction.

0-0

_The song used in this chapter is All I've Ever Wanted by Mariah Carey. _


	7. Finally

_A/N: Hey, guys! Thanks so much for the reviews for the last chapter. Hope you like this one as well._

_As usual, nothing belongs to me. Just having a little fun with the characters._

_For W, because she makes me happy. _

**Mine to Love Again**

**Chapter 6: Finally**

Ashley's POV

I have no idea why having her holding me close broke me. I don't know if it's the fact that it's been so long, the feel of her body pressing against mine, her warmth or just the fact that she is finally talking to me. Whatever it is, I'm sobbing brokenly in her arms as she held me tighter and ran her hands up and down my back in a soothing manner.

I can feel her body shaking a little, so I know she is crying as well. This is so not what I had envisioned our reunion to be like. There's been too much drama in our lives already. Could it be that we're both so full of emotions that they finally broke lose? What do these tears mean? Why did they come just now, after so long?

I couldn't tell you how long we stood there, just holding each other. Even when the tears stopped, we just held on to each other for dear life. Her scent surrounded me and made me feel weak in the knees. It was still a scent I remember from before, so that hadn't changed. She felt so good in my arms I could have died happy right then.

I felt her arms loosen from my back as she leaned back a little. I was glad she didn't let go completely and just looked at me as I rested my hands on her shoulders. I wasn't sure what to say to her. Having her this close afforded me the opportunity to take in her features and admire just how much more beautiful she had gotten. She looked a little older, but that only added to her beauty. Her bright blue eyes were sparkling and her lashes were still wet from her tears. I noticed she was looking back at me just as intently so I didn't say anything and just let her look all she wanted.

Before I could say anything, her arms fell from my body, so I took mine from her shoulders and took a step back, fearing the worst. She surprised me by taking my hand and leading me to a small sitting area on the balcony I had not noticed before. It was at the end of it and away from the door and prying eyes. It just occurred to me that most of the guest could have probably seen us and were probably wondering what was going on. Not that I cared, but I wasn't sure if she did or not.

I sat on one of the comfortable chairs and she did the same. We faced each other for a few minutes in silence, neither in a hurry to speak. It surprised me that it was a comfortable silence between two people that knew each other well and didn't feel a need to jump right into conversation. I still wasn't sure who would speak first, or what should be said.

"It's good to see you again, Indie," I finally said softly.

She smiled a little at the nickname. "It's good to see you, too, _Pete_."

I chuckled at the old nickname no one knew about but us. "Never gonna let me live that one down, are you, Spence?"

"Why would I? It was classic!"

"It was _embarrassing_! I mean, your mom answers the phone _you_ were supposed to answer and I have to pretend to be some guy named Pete. I mean, seriously, Spence, I don't think she bought it."

"I thought it was cute as hell that you did that so I wouldn't get in trouble because I wasn't supposed to be talking to you."

"There was no way I could make things worse for you. You've always been able to unnerve me, to make me lose my cool. No one else has ever been able to make me react the way you do," I confess while looking down at my hands.

She didn't say anything for a while and I waited in silence. I looked down at my toes as if they were the most interesting things on this planet. Several minutes later, she finally broke the silence.

"I don't even know where to begin, Ash. It's been so long that I don't know if we're the same people anymore."

"I know," I tell her while looking back up at her. "I'd like to explain some things to you. Get this all out of my chest. Ask you to forgive me for leaving when I did."

"I know why you did it, Ash. I know you felt like you were doing the right thing. Maybe you did, maybe you didn't, but it happened and now here we are, four years later and almost strangers."

"I'm still me, Indie. If anything is different is that I've made some positive changes in the last four years. I've gotten better about a lot of things. But deep down inside, I'm still the girl you once loved and all I want from you at this point is for you to let me back into your life as a friend. I know I can't ask for more than that and I've come to terms with it."

She took a deep breath and ran her hands through her blonde locks while looking away from me.

"Do you really think it's possible for us to be _just_ friends, Ashley?"

"I hope so. It's how we started."

"I'm sorry for keeping you waiting this long. I know you've wanted to talk to me for a long time and I didn't let it happen," she said surprising the hell out of me.

"I guess I also know why you did it. I broke your heart and it's okay that you don't trust me anymore. I have no one to blame but myself."

"I know you wanted us to talk in peace, and this is not the place. Do you want to leave and go to the loft?"

Again, she managed to surprise me and I was quiet for too long because she came to the wrong conclusion.

"Never mind. I know you might not want to go back there after so long."

I snapped out of it quickly. "I'd love to go with you. You surprised me with the invite, is all."

"Let's go say goodbye then. It's been a long week and I think we have more to talk about."

I followed her back into the apartment and we went around for a few minutes saying goodbye to the host and some of the guests. I finally reached our friends while Spencer was talking to Sasha.

"We're leaving," was all I said before smiles covered each of their faces. Kyla even manages a tiny squeal, which made me chuckle.

"You go, chica! Finally!"

"Don't get so excited, Mads. We're just going to her place to talk about things."

"That is still a _huge_ step," Chelsea reminded me. "I know nothing might be solved tonight, but at least you'll be talking about it and clearing the air."

"Just be honest with her, Ash," Kyla told me as she gave me a hug. "We all know you guys love each other still. Just give her some time and I'm sure you'll find your way back to each other soon."

"Thank you, Ky. I hope you find love soon as well," I whispered in her ear. "Open up your mind to the possibilities life throws your way unexpectedly."

Kyla leaned back in my arms and looked at me strangely. "What do you mean by that?"

"You'll find out soon enough, I hope."

She frowned at me, but I just kissed her forehead, winked at Madison and made my way out the door. I took the elevator down and went to stand by the front of Spencer's SUV to wait for her. I didn't want her to feel weird about us leaving the apartment together and I certainly didn't want anyone talking about it.

0-0

Spencer's POV

I watch as Ashley leaves the apartment and Sasha's eyes follow as well.

"Are you going to go after her or are you done talking?"

"We're actually leaving together. We're going to the loft to talk some more. There's more privacy there."

"How are you feeling now that you're finally speaking to her again? I noticed the embrace from before."

I blushed. "I felt the urge to hug her and the moment I did, she started crying. I don't know how long we were hugging for, but it felt nice."

"Don't worry about people noticing too much. The guys were playing again and we did a little impromptu karaoke, if you will. Besides, it was dark out there and hard to see who it was. The people here tonight are not known for being gossipy, so don't worry about it getting out."

"That's good to know. I don't want her to go through the usual media circus."

"I won't keep you any longer. Go say bye to your friends and I'll see you bright and early Monday morning."

After exchanging a quick hug with her, I walked over to my friends, who were all looking expectantly at me.

"Ash is waiting downstairs for you," Kyla tells me. "Please, Spence, be nice to her. She's pretty broken right now. I could see it in her eyes."

"I don't plan on hurting her, Ky. We talked for a bit already and we're doing fine. We just want to finish talking at my place and put this all behind us."

"Does that mean you're getting back together?" Chelsea said anxiously. "Cause we'd all be supportive of it."

"No. We're just going to try the friend thing and see what happens."

Madison rolled her eyes at me. "Ay, Dios mio! You do know you're madly in love with each other still, right?"

"I'm not going there with you, Mads. How about I take care of my business and you take care of yours? Last time I checked, there's something you need to deal with," I told her with a raised eyebrow and a quick look Kyla's way and saw her pale under her tan.

"What is she talking about, Maddy?" Kyla asked while Chelsea looked on amused. Apparently she had clued in as well.

"Nothing. Spence, Ashley's been waiting too long on your ass. Get moving, chica."

"Yeah. I'm going."

I kissed all of them goodbye and left the apartment. The moment I stood alone in the elevator, my heart started pounding. I was going to be alone with her for goddess knew how long and I didn't know how I was going to handle myself. I don't remember the last time I was this nervous.

As I reached the parking area, I saw her leaning back against my SUV and took a moment to admire her beauty. There was no denying it; Ashley Davies was truly a sight to behold.

"I was afraid you had changed your mind," she told me as I got closer.

"Sorry. I was held back by our friends giving me instructions for tonight," I said with a chuckle.

"Hmm, they got on my case as well. Meddlesome bunch. Remind me again why we're friends with them?"

"Cause they love us!" I said as I unlocked the doors and we got in.

She took a couple of minutes to admire the car as we put our seat belts on. "How do you like the car?"

"I honestly love it. I don't know if I ever thanked you for it properly."

"No need to. I wanted you to be happy. I know you always liked this SUV."

"I almost didn't take it, but then our friends all got on my case and I caved in. It's a wonderful ride and I could never thank you enough for all you've done for me, Ash. I realize now I held on to my anger for longer than necessary. I think I got too comfortable in my pity party and ignored the nice things you kept doing for me even when we weren't together."

"I wanted to make sure you finished your schooling because I know just how smart you are and I wanted you to have that opportunity. The car was a present to celebrate your accomplishments and the loft was something Kyla and I decided on together because we didn't have a need for it. We really like the beach house."

"Like I said, you've done too much for me, Pete."

"I like to think that you've done a hell of a lot more for me and I'll never be able to repay you for it."

I looked at her in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"You saved me from _myself_, Indie. I was spinning out of control when I met you and you helped me get better. When dad died and I started acting like an idiot, you were there. When I was confused about Aiden, you forgave me. I've stopped drinking, smoking and using shit all because of you. Because I wanted you to feel proud that I was a better person. No one ever made such an impact in my life and for that alone I'll be grateful forever."

Tears filled my eyes as I listened to her heart-felt words. "I knew you were special from the moment I met you, Pete. You just needed to trust in yourself and go for your dreams. If I helped in any way, then I'm happy."

The rest of the way was made in silence, but it wasn't awkward at all. I think finding our way back to each other wasn't going to be as hard as I had thought.

As hard as it was to accept, she was still Ashley. _My_ Ashley.

0-0

Madison's POV

After Ash and Spence left, we hung out a little longer before we decided we were ready to leave. Right before we left, one of Ashley's band members called Chelsea and she went to talk to him for a few minutes while Kyla excused herself to go to the bathroom. I was sipping on a glass of champagne when Chelsea came back to tell me that Rocco had asked her out for a drink and she had accepted. Which meant Kyla and I were on our own and I was about to have heart failure.

It seemed most of my friends had noticed the tension around us, and not only that, but they had someone figured out how I felt about the petite brunette. I hadn't been hiding my feelings as well as I thought I had. Which sucked because they would be riding my ass until I did something about the situation.

Chelsea waited for Kyla to come back out and we said our goodbyes to Sasha. As we rode the elevator down, Chelsea kept giving me meaningful looks and tilting her head towards Kyla. Since she was checking her messages, she didn't notice, something I was grateful for and I took the opportunity to glare at Chels. I mean, she had to do this _now_, with Kyla so close by?

Yes, I know the three of us have been meddling with Ash and Spence the past few years, thinking we're helping, so this is no different, but fuck! It's so different when you're at the receiving end. I mean, honestly, how did they _not_ kick our asses? 'Cause it's only been a day for me and I'm ready to snap. Could be my Latina genes, but seriously, my friends need to back the fuck off! I need to handle this on my own because I'm scared shitless as it is.

I'm so lost in thought that I don't even notice the elevator has reached the lobby until I feel a soft hand grab my own and I'm being pulled out of it. Chels is already walking away with Rocco and Kyla is pulling me towards her car. Surprisingly, she doesn't let go of my hand until we reach her car and she walks over to the passenger's side. She hits a button on the remote control in her hand and then opens the door for me. I finally look at her.

"We're going back to the beach house," she tells me in a tone that lets me know there is no use arguing about it, so I just nod.

I get in and she closes the door after me. She wastes no time coming around to the other side and I lean over and open the door for her. She smiles her thanks as she settles in and buckles her seatbelt. She gets the engine going and soon after we're on our way. Nothing is said on the way to the house, and my nerves feel so tightly wound I'm afraid they're going to snap and I'm going to end up in the emergency room instead of the beach house with her.

Wouldn't that be just so lovely? What am I supposed to say when asked what's wrong? _Oh, I don't know, doc, I think she broke me!_ Yeah, 'cause that is going to fly so well.

"You need to relax, baby," her words suddenly penetrate through the confusion clouding my brain. "You're so tense I'm afraid you might hurt yourself."

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Sorry," is all I manage to mumble.

"I just wish you'd tell me what's bothering you, Maddy, because it's obviously something big," she continues and places her hand on my thigh.

GAH!

Does she not know what that does to me? My muscle tenses and I'm sure she can notice it, but she doesn't remove her hand. Instead, she rubs up and down and my lungs refuse to work like they're supposed to. My heartbeats are tripping over each other like drunken fools. A swarm of killer bees are having a party in my stomach.

"Relax, baby," she murmurs and I just lean back, close my eyes and cover her hand with mine to stop it from moving.

I can't take much more of this before jumping her in the car and she is driving, for fuck's sake! Once more, she surprises me by turning her hand so our palms are touching and lacing our fingers together. She gives me a little squeeze and we make the rest of the way to the beach house in silence.

0-0

Spencer's POV

"What's going on with Maddy and Ky?"

Ashley looks at me and smiles. "Maddy likes her."

"What's so weird about that?"

"No, Indie, she _likes_ her. As in wants to kiss her and hold her likes her."

"Hmm, so I was reading those vibes right! When did that happen?"

"I'm not entirely sure, but it seems for a little while and it's at the point where she can't hide it anymore."

"Think she'll have the guts to tell her tonight? And how do you think Kyla is going to react?"

"I have a feeling Maddy won't be able to hide how she feels anymore. I also think Ky might surprise us all with her response to it. I think there is something there but she hasn't noticed it yet or doesn't recognize it for what it is."

"And what do you think it is?"

"I'm pretty sure Ky's had a girl crush on Madison for longer than most of us think. I mean, when we're on the road, the moment Maddy calls, her voice changes, her eyes are alight and she has this huge smile on her face. And the reason she comes back in between gigs is mostly to see her. There's been times she comes to visit and when she goes back to wherever I might be and I ask how all of you are, she tells me she only saw Madison because the rest of you were busy."

"Really now? Who would have thought, right? Because as far as I know, neither has been with a girl before. Hell, back in high school Madison was a complete ass about us."

"I've always thought those most opposed to gays and lesbians are hiding very deeply in the closet. Not saying Maddy is gay, but she's definitely gay for my sister," she finished with a smirk.

I chuckled at her words. "And how would you feel if something comes out of this?"

"It would be highly hypocritical of me if I get in the way. As long as both are happy, I'm cool with it, Indie. Mads really takes good care of Kyla. She's been doing that for a little while now and it's kind of cute."

"Figured you'd say that, Pete. I think we'd all be supportive of them."

Just then, we pulled up to the loft and I felt her tense a little next to me and take a deep breath. I guess they weren't the only ones having a deep talk that night. Ashley and I were finally going to sit and have a talk.

One that was four years in the making.

0-0


	8. A Step Forward

_A/N: My apologies for this chapter taking so long. I'll be honest with all of you, there isn't much incentive to write a story that doesn't seem to have much of a following and it doesn't seem like many people are interested in it. I've never left any story unfinished, so this one will be finished at some point. Not sure when or how long it will take between chapters, but I __will__ finish it. I just don't have the time to write as much as I did before._

_For V._

**Mine to Love Again**

**Chapter 7: A Step Forward**

Ashley's POV

As we ride the elevator to her floor, I have to keep myself in check. Otherwise I'd be fidgety as hell because inside I'm this huge mass of nerves. I don't know what to expect when we walk to the door and she unlocks it. When she's done, she motions me to go first and I have no choice but to do so.

I walk in and basically stop dead in my tracks and this causes her to bump into my back. She apologizes and comes to stand next to me.

"What's the matter, Pete?"

I don't say anything for a moment as my eyes roam over the place. I just can't believe what I'm looking at and my eyes mist a little. Taking a couple of deep breaths, I finally control myself and turn to look at her.

"Everything is exactly the same as I left it."

She blushes a little and nods. "I didn't see a reason to change it. I've always loved what you and Kyla did with the place."

"Hmm," was my, oh so _intelligent_ response.

She closes the door behind us and I jump a little as I hear it lock. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me? Why am I so damn jumpy and restless?

_Because you're finally back where you belong_, the nosy voice inside of my head reminds me and I purposely ignore it, even if I know it's probably right.

"Want something to drink?" Spencer asks as we walk towards the kitchen.

"Water is fine."

She nods and walks over to the fridge. After pulling out a couple of water bottles, she sets them on the counter where I'm sitting at a stool. She stands on the other side of it and looks at me while I take a quick drink to soothe my dry throat. When I pull the bottle away, a little water spills down my chin. Before I can do something about it, her thumb is brushing the water away and our eyes lock.

I'm trembling inside as I get lost in her deep pools of blue, my heartbeat accelerating painfully in my chest and my breathing becoming choppy at best.

"Sorry," she apologizes softly as she wipes the water on her pants.

"It's okay. I don't mind," I respond, equally as soft.

"How is it that four years later, we can still act this way?" she asks surprising the hell out of me. "How is it that you still make me nervous like a school girl or that my first instinct is to touch you? This should be done and over with."

"But it isn't, right?" I ask hopefully. I can't help it.

"I don't think it is. Do you?"

"It was never over for me, Indie. I never could move on."

"Hmm," she murmurs before walking out of the kitchen and heading towards the balcony.

I follow like a lost puppy. It's like she has these fucking invisible strings wrapped around me and I can't break free. Not that I want to, mind you. I'd follow her to the deepest part of hell if she just asks.

I find her leaning against the rail, hands gripping the metal so hard her knuckles are white. The moonlight shines in her hair and I take a moment to admire her beauty. She is breathtaking and I know no one will ever take her place in my life. I might as well fix it because she is it. She is the one and only woman I will ever love.

I _have_ to fix it. There is no other choice.

0-0

Kyla's POV

After walking into the beach house, I tell Madison I'm going to go change and head down the hall to my room. I know she'll follow me eventually.

I'm worried and on edge. Something is really bothering her and I have a feeling I know what it is. After what happened earlier today, I know this needs to be talked about but I just don't know how to do that. Do I just confront her with it or wait until she is ready to talk about it? I already told her we'd be discussing it later and later is now. Do I approach her with my worries or do I wait until she comes to me?

And what if I'm wrong about what I'm thinking? What if I'm making the wrong assumptions in thinking she might like me as more than a friend? I mean, Madison has never mentioned liking girls. Hell, she was a total douche about Ash and Spencer when they first got together. And true, she's changed her attitude about that, but does it mean she could have feelings for _me_?

And furthermore, do I have feelings for _her_? I haven't had time to think about this since it happened. Should I give it a few days? Do I give her space to settle her mind and feelings or do I just push for an answer? If I push, am I truly ready to hear what she has to say?

While these thoughts are whirling through my mind, I'm undressing absentmindedly and I don't even hear the door open. I only know she is there by the small gasp. I turn around and it's only then I realize I'm not wearing my top and I'm just in my push-up bra. My jeans are unbuttoned and the zipper is halfway down, showing my lace panties. I can't help the shiver that runs down my back as her eyes travel over my body, lingering in certain places for a tad too long to be just a _friendly_ look. Besides, if I'm reading her right, and I'm pretty sure I am, there is hunger in her gaze.

"I - I'm sorry," she stammers nervously as she turns back around and is about to bolt out of the room.

"Wait," I call out to her and move quickly so I can grab her arm and stall her departure.

"I'll wait until you finish changing and then come back, Ky," she tells me without turning to face me.

"You've seen me in less before," I remind her gently.

Her head falls forward and I notice that she takes a shaky breath. I instinctively run my hand from the small of her back up towards her nape and let my fingers massage the skin softly. She trembles at my touch and I know I'm not imagining things. She is as affected by me as I am by her.

"Still, I should wait outside. I'll be out on the deck."

Without waiting for my answer, she opens the door and leaves my room, never once turning to look at me. I sigh and let her go, knowing it's best if we have this conversation elsewhere. Being in my room might not be a good idea at this point.

I change into a pair of lounge pants and a skintight tank top and follow her. We're so going to have this conversation tonight. I stop in the kitchen and grab a couple of Coronas before I go after her. A little alcohol might help ease the tension.

0-0

Spencer's POV

I stand outside on the balcony for a few seconds and try to control the erratic beating of my heart. I can't believe I was so bold. Wasn't I supposed to be cool and collected and just discuss the possibilities of us being friends? What I said certainly falls under a different category. And why can't I stop touching her? Seriously, it's like her skin has this magnet that my fingers are unable to ignore.

I hear her come in after me and my heart skips a beat or two.

"I can call a taxi and leave if you want me to," she offers quietly.

I sigh and shake my head. "That's not necessary, Pete."

"I understand if my presence in your home bothers you, Indie. I don't want to push you if you're not ready to talk."

"So we go on ignoring this?" I ask as I turn around to face her. "I've ignored this for four long years and what good has it done? We're still at a standstill and it's not fair to either of us. I've been a coward and I've held on to this grudge for far too long. I have no idea why you still want me in your life after all the shit I've put you through."

"Because I love you," she answered sincerely. "No one will ever take your place in my heart and I knew that the moment I walked out on our love. I've regretted that decision more than you'll ever know."

"You mentioned on the show you wanted the best for me."

"I still do."

"What was best for me at the time was you and I can't believe you didn't see that."

She takes a deep breath and shakes her head. "I was stupid and immature. I wanted to be with you but felt like I wasn't there enough. I _know_ I should have talked to you about it. I _should_ have asked what you wanted, but I didn't. I shouldn't have assumed anything, but I did. I made the decision for you and I know now it wasn't fair."

"So now what? Do we just try the friend thing? Do we go back to cards and emails every now and then? What is it you want?"

She ran her hands through her hair as she walked over to the railing and looked out at the darkened sky. "I'm not making any decisions this time. I just want to be a part of your life again. I don't want to make any more mistakes by assuming things. I'll go with whatever you decide and feel comfortable with."

"So this falls on me then? Whatever happens with us from now on is decided solely by me?" I asked incredulously.

"I think it's only fair, Indie. You have someone in your life now and I won't get in the way of that. If all I can have from now on is your friendship, then I'll be grateful for it."

"Do you really mean that?"

She nodded while looking up at the stars. "Indie, understand something, please. Right now, the only thing that truly matters to me is that you're happy. If your girlfriend makes you happy, if that relationship is good for you, I will live with it, I will respect it and I will support it. I might not like it, but the main thing is that you're happy."

I stared at her back in astonishment. Ashley was actually telling me she loved me enough to let me be happy with someone else.

_Again_.

Once more, she was willing to sacrifice herself for my sake and I just didn't know if I liked that.

"Why can't you _fight_ for me if you love me so much?" I cried out softly, frustration coloring my tone. "Why let me be with someone else?"

She turned startled eyes my way and frowned. "What do you mean by that?"

"You left me before because you thought I would be happier with someone else. Then you wait four years to finally talk to me again. And once more, you're willing to turn your back on us so I can be happy with someone else? Really, Ash? When does it stop?"

"But there is no _us_, Spencer!"

"Because you walked out on us! If you hadn't, we'd still be together, damn you!"

Tears filled her beautiful eyes at my words, but I wasn't taking anything back. It was time to be honest with each other if we were to have any type of future.

"I know that! I know this is my fucking fault, okay? I live with that knowledge day in and day out. I regret what I did more than you'll ever know."

"You didn't answer my question. Why won't you fight to get me back?"

She locked eyes with mine, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I want to fight for you. I want to beg you to break up with your girlfriend and give me another chance. I want to be with you for the rest of my life, Indie, I do, but that would be so selfish of me! Don't you see? I love you so much that as long as you're happy, I'm happy."

"And what if I tell you I'm not happy? What if I tell you no one has made me feel half of the things you did from day one? What if I say the others have merely been a distraction because I couldn't be with you?"

Her eyes widened at my words. "Then I would say to hell with everyone else and I'd fight to get you back. It's not like I like the thought of someone else kissing or touching you! God, just thinking about it makes me want to throw up."

I watched her for a moment, trying to organize my thoughts. "I broke up with Veronica this afternoon."

Her eyes widened almost comically and I had to hold back a chuckle.

"You did?" she asked bewildered.

"I did."

"Why?"

I sighed deeply. Was she not _listening_ to me?

"I didn't love her."

"I don't want to jump to conclusions here," she stated nervously. "But was is because of me?"

I stared at her in silence for a few seconds. "I guess if we're going to be totally honest with each other, then yes, it was because of what you said on the show."

She took a deep breath and a small smile played at the corner of her lips.

"What does this mean for us then? Are you willing to give me another chance?"

"My first instinct is to say yes right away, but I'm scared to," I admitted.

"That's understandable. Just tell me what I have to do to fix this and I will, Indie. If there is even the slightest chance that I could win you back, I'll do whatever it takes."

"Can I sleep on it?"

She nodded. "Of course. I'm willing to wait as long as you need."

"When are you leaving town again?"

"Depends on you, I guess. I don't have to leave. I only stayed away because I didn't think you wanted me here."

All this time of missing her and she only stayed away to make me happy. Seriously, I could kick her ass for trying to be so chivalrous and accommodating.

"That wasn't necessary and won't be necessary in the future. Your home is here, Pete and you shouldn't stay away for me or anyone else. It's not fair."

"You're probably right. But that's all in the past now. Let's leave it there and try to move forwards, okay?"

I nodded again. "It's getting late."

"I'll call that taxi now," she said as she took her phone out of her pocket.

"Kyla's old room is still fully furnished. Why don't you spend the night there?"

Her surprise at my invitation to stay was obvious. I'll be honest here, I wish I could be bold enough and ask her to sleep in our old room, but I'm afraid I won't be able to control myself if I have her that close again. If we're going to fix this, the last thing we need is to jump back into bed right away. Tempting as it is, I know it won't solve anything and might actually complicate matters.

"I don't have anything to sleep in, Spence," she finally said.

I looked away from her for a moment. "Um, I think there're some of your old boxers and tank tops left in my room. I'll go check," I told her quickly and walked away before she could notice the blush now covering my face.

No way am I going to tell her I still have all the clothes she left behind hanging in my closet and folded in my drawers. Really, she doesn't need to know I could never part with them, or her pillow, which I still sprinkled every now and then with her perfume. I know I'm pathetic, but whatever. It was the only way I could still feel her close to me. It makes no sense to keep holding on to her things while pushing her away but that's the way things happened. Do you see now why I never brought any other women to my place?

I pull out a baby blue tank top and a pair of stripped boxers out of the drawer and walk out of my room. She is waiting in the living room and I can see she is deep in thought.

"Hey," I call out softly.

She turns to look at me and smiles lightly. "I closed the door to the balcony."

"Thanks. There should be everything you need in the bathroom. I always keep it stocked because Maddy and Chels crash here all the time."

She walks closer to me and takes the clothes from my hand. "These were my favorite," she tells me while she rubs the fabric of the CK boxer shorts between her fingers. "Thanks, Indie."

Before I can say anything, she kisses my cheek and walks away. My fingers immediately go to my cheek where it feels like she imprinted my skin with fire. All these years later and she can still make me swoon with a simple touch.

Seriously, who the fuck did I think I was fooling all this time? I never got over Ashley "Pete" Davies. Not even close!

0-0

Madison's POV

I wonder how bad it would hurt if I pull out my hair out of frustration. For fuck's sake! Of all the rotten timing, I walk in on her while she is wearing jeans and underwear. She looked like a poster child for Vicky's Secret and it took all of my self-control not to rip the remaining clothes off of her and push her towards the bed. I felt almost animalistic and had I not gotten out of there when I did, Kyla would be undressed and writhing under me right now.

I've never felt this way before. Yes, I've had sex plenty of times but there was never a time when I wanted the guy so bad that I could hardly control myself. One look at Kyla dressed like that and I was instantly throbbing. Her hair lose and framing her face, the lace peaking out of her unbuttoned jeans as if daring me to finish pushing them down, the way that bra hugged her perfect breasts. Oh, sweet baby Jesus, I am _so_ gay for Kyla Davies. What the hell am I going to do? I can't keep this inside any longer. Everyone's noticed already and she knows something is really bothering me. So I either tell her how I feel or I have to stop spending time with her until I can get a hold of my silly myself.

Before I can make up my mind as to what I'm going to do, she opens the door and steps outside carrying a couple of beers. Ha! Like I need alcohol right now.

"I thought you might need this," she says as she offers me one of the bottles.

"Thanks." I grab the bottle and take a healthy swig before I look at her again.

"Are we going to talk about what's bothering you?" she asks softly.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea," I reply honestly.

"Well, I do. Something has to give. I'm worried about you and I can't stand to see you like this." She takes my hand and stands too close for comfort. "Please, baby, talk to me," she whispers and I finally break.

"You really want to know what's wrong?" I whisper back.

She simply nods.

I take a deep breath and go for broke.

"For the past few months, maybe even longer than that, I've had these feelings I don't know what do with and they're driving me crazy."

"Feelings for _whom_?"

We're both whispering and have moved so close that our bodies are touching. I'm shaking and I'm sure she can feel it in the hand she is holding.

"For you," I say simply and look down, unable to keep looking into her eyes.

Surprising me, she pulls me even closer and wraps her arms tightly around me. "I'm so glad you finally told me, babe. You're not the only one feeling this way."

0-0


	9. Unknown Territory

_A/N: Thanks for the reviews, guys! You're all so lovely. Again, don't fret too much, I plan on finishing this story and I won't leave you hanging. Also, I'm glad most of you are liking the Madison/Kyla pairing since I wasn't planning on it and it sort of happened. I have to say I really like them together and I'm enjoying writing their story out. Most of the chapters from here on out will deal with both budding relationships. I have no idea how long this fic will be, but hang in there and we'll find out together! Again, thanks for the lovely reviews and kind words! They're much appreciated._

_(*cringe…to those following One Step at a Time, my apologies for the delay in posting and I promise to work on that story next!)_

**Mine to Love Again**

**Chapter 8: Unknown Territory**

Kyla's POV

I'm holding on to Maddy for dear life.

I never thought she'd admit to liking me. All I can tell you is that her words felt like a strike of lightning piercing my chest and shooting downwards. I've never reacted this hugely to anyone, not even Aiden and I thought he was the love of my life. Shows you how much I know!

She's hugging me back just as tightly and I can actually feel her heart beating against my chest, we're _that_ close. It's going so fast I'm afraid she's going to pass out at any moment. I guess I should be worrying about myself as well since mine is galloping just as fast, if not faster.

I'm sure we have tons to talk about, but right now, holding her feels so right I don't want to break the embrace. It feels too damn good, anyways. Who knew being in her arms would be exhilarating and peaceful at the same time. She's hugged me plenty of times, but this time is different. This time we crossed a line.

A line that we both had been tiptoeing around but had been to chicken shit to cross.

She pulls back a little and looks down at me. Her eyes are shinning with emotions I can't even begin to describe to you, but she looks radiant. Her smile is a little wobbly, as if she is trying to hold back tears. She still looks beautiful to me and when her hand cups my cheek tenderly, I close my eyes with a sigh.

It feels so _right_.

It's only natural that when her soft lips cover mine its explosive and my knees fail. Her arm is around my waist holding onto me tightly and my arms wrap around her neck as if they had a mind of their own.

And it's then I realize all the kisses I've ever had before this one were just experimental, because this right now, this I feel in her arms, is the _real_ thing. If I wasn't falling in love with my best friend before, I was now.

And there was no going back.

0-0

Madison's POV

I'm kissing Kyla.

I'm fucking kissing Kyla Woods and it feels like the heavens have opened up and are raining their blessings on me. It feels like I'm floating between fluffy clouds while her tongue rubs against mine softly and her fingers play with my hair causing goosebumps to rise on my skin. Had I known kissing her would be this fabulous, I would have done so a long time ago.

Ay, Dios mio, the girl can kiss!

My thumb is tracing her cheek softly as the kiss seems to go on forever, unhurried and tender. I always imagined our first kiss would be clumsy and out of control, but this kiss, _fuck_, I can't even describe it to you properly! It's like we've been kissing all of our lives because there is nothing tentative about it. It's the most natural kiss, the sweetest.

And yes, I know, I'm probably giving you a toothache, but seriously, I don't have enough words to describe what I'm feeling right now because it's so much that I don't know where to even begin.

I break the kiss off slowly and lean my forehead against hers, taking a shaky breath and willing my heart to slow down before I pass out. She's holding on to me like she'll never let go and I love how being in her arms feels. We've hugged plenty of times before, but this is different. Things have changed and I hope to all that's holy that they've changed for the best.

"Ky," I finally manage to whisper softly. "That was amazing."

I open my eyes and lean back so I can look at her beautiful face. Her lips are still wet and swollen, her cheeks flushed and a smile is playing at the corner of her lips. When she opens her eyes and stares at me my breath rushes out of my lungs in a whoosh. The emotions swirling in her chocolate pools are almost too much to bear.

"It was," she whispers as her hand comes up and she runs her index finger over my lips. "I never thought kissing you would feel so incredible."

"What happens now? Because there is no way I can pretend this didn't happen and I can't keep my feelings hidden any longer," I confess.

"Baby, it's been a really long week and it's catching up with me. How about we just go to sleep and talk about it at length in the morning? I promise to make you your favorite breakfast and we'll make some decisions then."

I sigh. "If you think that's best. I know you're tired."

She cups my face tenderly between both of her palms and kisses my lips softly. "I don't want you to think I don't want this. I _do_. But right now, all I want is to go to sleep with _your_ arms wrapped around me. Can you do that for me?"

I smile in relief. She's not saying no. She just wants to rest before we tackle this and I can certainly understand that. The situation with Ash and Spencer has taken its toll on all of us and it's time to take a little breather and deal with things when our heads are clear. I can certainly wait a few more hours, especially now that I know she might be feeling the same as me.

"Yes, I can. Let's go to bed, Ky, and tomorrow we'll talk over breakfast."

She gifts me with the sweetest smile known to mankind, I kid you not. The thought of sleeping wrapped around her all night long holds so much appeal that I take her hand in mine and pull her towards the house.

Sweet dreams, here we come.

0-0

Ashley's POV

The smell of freshly brewed coffee wakes me up. I turn my head in the direction the scent is coming from and there, on top of the dresser, in my favorite mug, is the nectar of the gods.

"Bless you, Spencer Carlin, you are a goddess," I croak as I sit up in bed and reach for the steaming cup.

A few sips have me moaning softly in appreciation. She remembered to add a bit of hazelnut flavored half and half to it and it's incredibly delicious. I'm sure when my head clears off the cobwebs currently covering it, it will dawn on me that she still remembers how I take my tea and my coffee. Also, this is the third surprise since I've been here. First I see she's kept the loft the same, then she tells me she still has some of my clothes around and now she brings me coffee in my favorite cup.

I don't want to hope, but it's impossible not to when all these things are pointing to her not moving on like I thought she had. What if she still had feeling for me like I did for her? What if she was able to forgive me and we could try again? Because I really want to take her decision to break up with her girlfriend as a sign that she wants to be with me in the future.

Our talk last night also shed some light into the past for me. I've known for a long time that leaving like I did was the stupidest thing I've ever done and yes, I've done a lot of stupid things. You don't have to remind me, thank you!

It really never occurred to me to stay and fight for her. It was easier walking away and letting her experience life to the fullest than carrying the guilt of tying her to me for the rest of her life when I was never around or there for her. Now that I've had time to process what she said last night, it makes sense.

Why wouldn't she move on if she thought my heart wasn't in it? Why would she wait for me when I so easily picked up my things and walked away? Why would she talk to me when I was the one that left her behind? Shit, I don't even deserve this chance, but I'll be damned if I don't take it. I've learned from past mistakes and if I do everything right, I'll have her back in my life. This time for good.

I finish my coffee as I ponder how to proceed. I'm torn between asking her out to dinner tonight or just grabbing her and kissing her.

First should be getting up and going to find my beautiful blonde. It's been entirely too long since the last time we had breakfast together and it's something I always enjoyed doing. Spencer Carlin in a tight tank top is a sight to behold, especially if she is wearing those tiny girl boxers she favors that hug her ass _just so_. Add to that those beautifully sculpted legs that go on forever and breakfast becomes a favorite meal.

Remember that crazy wolf from the cartoons that use to go nuts and whistle at the girl onstage? Yeah, I can do a damn good impression of him when Spencer is around wearing little to no clothes.

With a deep sigh, I press my legs together to quiet the ache already building there just thinking of her and take a deep, comforting breath. I get up from the bed and head to the bathroom. Going to Spencer while looking like a rat was nesting on my hair last night is so not the first impression I want to give her this morning.

0-0

Spencer's POV

I'm debating on whether to go and wake Pete's lazy ass or let her rest some more when I hear the bedroom door opening and then the bathroom one closing. Knowing she'll be out soon, I turn the heat up on the stove and go back to making us breakfast. It used to be one of our favorite meals to have together before we both headed out to our busy lives, a time we both cherished because it was just so nice to spend quiet time together. I figure if we're going to give this a try again, we might as well start with breakfast. I know we might get interrupted by one of our friends since Ash never made it to the beach house, but it's a risk I'm willing to take.

"Mornin', Indie," she says from behind me and I jump and turn around.

"Shit, Pete! You scared the hell out of me."

Her eyes widen. "I'm sorry. Didn't mean to."

"Picked up ninja stealth while you were away, did you?"

She grins at me and her nose crinkles in that adorable way of hers. "Did I impress you? 'Cause I can certainly keep it up if it earns me some cool points."

I can't help but chuckle. "You little shit. _Sit_. Breakfast will be ready soon."

"Can I help? I usually helped before."

I look at her and wonder if I can be in the kitchen with her so close by wearing those clothes without either burning the food or jumping her. "I'll finish the omelets if you work on more coffee and toast."

"Ham, onions and cheddar?" she asks with a hint of hope in her raspy voice and I smile.

"There's even sour cream in the fridge if you want a dollop on top when they're done."

"You're so freakin' perfect, Indie. I've no idea how I made it this long without you. I must have been insane!"

She turns and goes to the fridge before I can react, but her words touch me deeply and I feel my face heating up so I turn back to the stove before she can notice. No need to let her see how much she still affects me. It would be crazy to just give into her charm and it's a damn difficult thing to resist. Ashley Davies _oozes_ charisma and I've always been particularly enchanted by it. If I'm not careful, I'll push her up on the counter and have _her_ for breakfast instead of the omelets.

And yes, you can stop smirking because I'm making her favorite breakfast. It just so happened that I had all the right ingredients on hand.

Ah, fuck, who am I kidding? It's instinctual for me to want to make her happy. I've never been able to stop it. And while I'm still mad at her for what she did in the past, I need to finally let go of that and move forward. If this is to work again, and I can honestly tell you that I want it to work, I need to go with what I'm feeling. It's best that way. Ash and I work better when we both let go and are ourselves.

By the time the food is ready, so are the coffee and the buttered toast.

"Want to sit outside or inside?" I ask.

"Inside if you don't mind. We're not wearing much and I hate for anyone to take our picture this way."

I frown at her. "We're on the top floor, Pete."

"Oh but, _innocent one_, you've no idea what the paparazzi are capable of until you've dealt with them as long as I have."

"You seriously think you're funny," I say unable to hide my grin.

"Hey, as long as I get that gorgeous smile of yours in return, I'll keep it up." Before I say anything back, she brushes her thumb down my cheek and winks at me. "Let's eat before it gets cold, darlin'."

0-0

Kyla's POV

I blink slowly and let my brain catch up with the rest of my waking body. Something is different and it takes me a few seconds to remember there is someone special sharing my bed. Said someone is currently cuddled against my back, her arm possessively wrapped around my waist. I think we were both so exhausted after this week that we were asleep within minutes of laying down and never moved during the night. I usually sleep on my side or stomach and I know Maddy is a stomach sleeper. How she was able to stay in the same position for so long I've no idea, but I can tell you that I like it.

I did wonder for a bit last night how it would feel come morning, but nothing is amiss. I'm seriously loving having her this close to me. She is warm and soft and all womanly curves. There is nothing poking me on my lower back, no hairy legs brushing uncomfortably against mine and no hard muscles that are hard to cuddle against.

No wonder Ashley and Spence love the ladies. Well, not the ladies so much as each other, but you know what I mean. I'm so happy right now I could spend the rest of the morning here in her arms. Which makes me wonder how we were able to keep our feelings at bay for so long. I mean, for us to be this comfortable, it must have been building for quite a while, right?

Or I could be jumping the gun and imagining things. I can only speak for myself, after all. I have no idea how she will feel once she wakes up.

Obviously, I hope she feels the same. I'd hate to be the only one feeling this happy and comfortable. I don't want her to wake up, think this is a mistake and bolt for the door. That would crush me. I've put my heart on the line here and I've taken a step in a direction I never thought I'd go before.

I sigh softly and untangle myself from her arms without waking her. I cover her and walk out the door, closing it quietly behind me. After using the guest bathroom, I head for the kitchen and the espresso machine. This calls for a really strong latte and some thinking time.

After I'm done making the coffee, I grab my sunglasses and take my steaming cup out to the deck. A few early risers are walking their pets, running or just enjoying the beautiful morning. I lean against the railing and watch the seagulls and little birds run after the retreating waves, searching for their breakfast.

I'm so lost in the peaceful scenery before me that I don't hear the sliding door opening or closing. It isn't until I feel her arms wrap around me from behind that I realize I'm no longer alone. A soft kiss placed to the side of my neck makes me sigh and I lean back against her.

"Buenos días, mi amor," she whispers in my ear and my knees buckle.

Oh my _god_!

Why hasn't she whispered in Spanish to me before? I have goosebumps running down my back and I'm sure my brain just short-circuited.

"Morning, baby," I somehow manage to whisper back.

"I woke up and you weren't there," she mentions and I can hear the pout in her tone.

"I'm sorry."

"Did you leave for a reason? Is everything okay?"

"No reason other than I was ready to get up and wanted coffee."

She turns me in her arms and I see doubt lurking in her beautiful eyes. "Are we okay?"

I lean closer and peck her lips. "Yes, we are, baby."

"Any doubts clouding your mind?" she insists.

"None for me. You?"

"I've never been happier to tell you the truth. Which is why I worried when I woke up alone."

I hug her and burrow my face on her neck. "I was antsy so I got up before I could wake you."

"Why were you feeling that way?"

"Because I knew how I felt but was afraid you might change your mind come morning."

She chuckles and I feel it vibrating against me as her arms tighten around me and she kisses my forehead.

"I think you're so adorable at times, mamita. I can't even tell you how long I've wanted this. Why would I change my mind?"

I shrug. "I've no idea. This is so new to me that I'm having a little trouble accepting its happening."

Before I can say anything else, she lifts my chin from its resting place and covers my lips with her own. She wastes no time deepening the kiss and I moan as I return it fully. This kiss is different from the first. It's as if she is trying to brand me, to prove to me that this is real and I can't help but believe her as her tongue tangles with mine in a wicked dance.

I think I'm in love with her kisses.

Ever so slowly she breaks the kiss with a little nip to my bottom lip.

"Any more doubts?" she asks with a gleam in her eyes.

I smirk. "I think I need more proof."

"I was _so_ hoping you'd say that," she tells me before her mouth is once again on mine and my brain ceases to function. I just give into the feelings she manages to evoke in me effortlessly.

No reason to fight with perfection.

0-0

Spencer's POV

"That was a really good breakfast, Indie. Thank you."

"Glad you liked it. I don't cook for myself much anymore. It's boring to cook for just one person."

"How come you don't invite anyone over?" she asks with a small frown.

I look away and wonder how to answer. Honesty seems to be the best bet so I decide to go with that.

"I invite Maddy and Chels over all the time. Sometimes dad comes and we cook together for the family. But as far as people that aren't family or close friends, I just don't like having them here."

"But _why_, Indie?"

I sigh. She's not going to let it go. "Because this used to be _our_ place and I'd like to keep it that way. In fact, no one other than family, the girls or you have ever spent the night here."

Her eyes widen in surprise.

"None of your girlfriends have stayed over?" she asks in an incredulous tone. "_Ever_?"

I shake my head. "I just can't, Pete. It never felt right."

"And they didn't mind?"

"Oh, they did and there have been numerous fights about it, but it's not something I can compromise on."

She leans back against her chair and looks at me with an intensity I can't stand.

"I really just want to grab you and kiss you right now," she says quietly after a minute of silence.

Her words are not what I was expecting and my heart starts beating so fast it feels like it's going to explode out of my chest. The thought of kissing her again makes me so weak I'm glad I'm sitting down. And to be honest with you, I want it, too. I want to feel her lips against mine so bad it's an ache.

So I do what needs to be done in situations like this. I get up from my chair, walk over to hers and before she can question me, I straddle her lap, facing her. I put my hands on the back of the chair and lean closer to her.

That she looks startled doesn't even begin to cover the expression on her beautiful face and I smile.

"You should have just done it, Pete. You've turned into a pussy," I whisper against her lips before my mouth covers hers and fireworks explode behind my closed eyelids.

I'm finally home.

0-0


	10. Show me Love

_A/N: I doubt anyone is reading this anymore, but in case there is someone out there that is, just know the rating is going up on this one! Consider this chapter a hard R – not planned at all, but its how it came out and I don't usually fight my brain or my muse. This chapter focuses solely on Spencer and Ashley._

**Mine to Love Again**

**Chapter 9: Show me Love**

_Ashley's POV_

Spencer is _kissing_ me.

And not just a little peck either. She is full on devouring my mouth with hers, upper body pressed tightly against mine, one hand buried in my hair. I'm so stunned it takes me a moment to return the kiss, but when I do, I'm melting into her fully. My hands rest on her naked thighs, fingers pressing into the warm flesh so I can somehow ground myself. I can't remember when a kiss tasted so good or felt so overwhelming. It's got hints of the past but the experience of years apart is also present. If she was a good kisser before, she was _incredible_ now.

And before my mind can wonder who she practiced so much with, I run my hands up to her hips and pull her even closer against me, moaning into her mouth. This feels so wonderful I can't get enough of her taste. I suck on her tongue wantonly and rub mine over it slowly. Unable to stop, and because she needs to know I'm no pussy as she said, I move my hands up and under her tank, running my nails over the soft skin of her stomach.

If things keep going like this, we're in trouble because I won't have the strength to stop. I've wanted her for too long and missed her too much to stop if she wants to keep on going. I know nothing is solved, I know we haven't talked about the future, but if Spencer wants to keep going, I'm all for it.

The answer is given to me a moment later when she breaks the kiss and looks into my eyes. Hers are hooded and dilated already, which takes my breath away. Her lips, wet and swollen, have me licking mine. I want to kiss her again but as I move forward, she moves back a little more, just out of my reach. I frown, but then her hands are at the hem of her tank top and she is pulling it up and over her head.

She's not wearing a bra and I feel myself getting dizzy, eyes immediately going to her perfect breasts.

"Oh, _fuck_, Spence," I whisper unable to tear my eyes away.

My hands move and tighten at her back as I lower my head and take one of the hardened buds into my mouth, loving how she arches into me wantonly. Her fingers are now buried in my hair as she offers herself to me. Hoping I don't screw this up, I wrap my arms even tighter around her and stand up. If I'm going to make love to her, it better be in our bed.

You heard right. That is _our_ bed and I need to reacquaint myself with it.

She gasps a little and holds on to me as her legs wrap around my waist. Thank God for the many workouts I do a week since they keep me in such good shape. Walking as quickly as I can towards the bedroom, my heart is hammering inside of my chest. I never expected this to move so fast, but it should have occurred to me at some point. Spencer and I have never been able to resist each other for long. I guess in the back of my mind I had hoped this would happen at some point, but I didn't want to really think about it in case it never did.

Putting a knee on the unmade bed - _thank God!_ – I lower her down and take a moment to take off my tank and then lower myself over her, moaning as our naked chests touch for the first time in four years. Burying my head in the crook of her neck, I take a moment because I'm shaking and nervous and completely overwhelmed. I don't know why I'm so emotional all of a sudden, tears pricking at my eyes as it hits me that this is really happening.

I could kick my own ass for this moment of weakness, but the second she notices she turns us around and hovers over me, her expression full of love and understanding. She still knows me so well. She pecks my lips softly again and uses her fingers to dry my tears as they break free from the corners of my eyes.

"Shh, love, its okay. We don't have to go further than this," she offers and I fall even more in love with her, something that I never thought possible until now. But it seems that is going to be the way things will always flow between us. She will always do something that will make me fall harder and deeper. My heart knows no bounds when it comes to this amazing woman.

"I don't want to stop, Indie. I'm just so emotional right now. Everything is hitting me at once and it's a little overwhelming."

No need to lie to her anymore. She knows how I'm feeling anyways.

"I know. It's overwhelming for me as well, but I can't fight this anymore. I never expected this would happen so soon, but I can't help but want you and I don't want to stop either, Pete. I've miss _you_ and _this_," she confesses.

"We don't have to stop. We can figure the rest out later. But you need to know one thing, Spence; I'm never giving you up again. I'm in this for keeps now, for better or worse. I can't love anyone else when I've always just loved you," are my heartfelt words. Cupping her face, I make sure she is looking right into my eyes. "_I love you_, Spencer Carlin, I never stopped."

Bringing her face back down, I pour every single feeling I have into the kiss as I turn us over once more, pushing her legs apart and settling between them. One of my hands moves down to cup her hip as I press myself harder into her core, wanting to feel as much of her as I can.

_Spencer's POV_

I knew she loved me, I did. She had even told me so last night. Everything has always pointed to it as well. But hearing it again, so passionately from her lips, was like a balm for whatever wounds were still open inside of me.

I can't believe this is actually happening. When I woke up this morning I had one thing in mind: hashing things out with Ash and making some decisions that would benefit us both. But never did I think we would end up in our bed, about to make love. And there wasn't a damn thing I would do to stop it from happening. I had missed her for far too long and wanting her just came naturally to me.

As our bodies rubbed against one another, as our kisses grew in length, I just gave myself over to her. I let instincts take over as my hands started reacquainting themselves with her body, going for the spots I remembered and wanting to find new ones. I wasn't the inexperienced girl she had once had, I was bringing experience to the table now, and I was going to make sure it was put to good use.

As she started kissing down the side of my neck, I pushed my hands under her boxer shorts and squeezed her ass as my hips grounded into hers.

"I missed you and this so much," I tell her again, because it's so true. "I can't believe it's taken this long."

She lifted her head to look down at me again, so many emotions swirling in her eyes. "Don't think about it that way, baby, just think we're together right now and the past is done with. We're going to fix this. We have to because I can't live without you."

I couldn't respond because she took my mouth in another searing kiss that made it impossible to think. I would just let my body speak for myself. Pushing the boxers down as far as I could I ran my nails up the back of her thighs and over her ass cheeks. Tracing her spine, I ended back up at her hair, the soft tresses curling around my fingers.

She breaks the kiss and goes for my neck again. I tilt my head to the side and give her better access. Her mouth is truly magical, finding all the little spots that make me whimper and gasp, nibbling her way to my shoulder and collarbone. She sooths every nip with a pass of her tongue as one of her hands plays with my nipple.

I'm afraid before this is over I'm going to go into sensory overload because it feels like she is all over at the same time and it still doesn't seem to be enough.

"Ash, take off your shorts," I beg, my voice broken. "I want to feel all of you, baby."

She manages to tear herself away from my neck and kneels between my legs, pushing the shorts all the way down and throwing them behind her. Mine follow right away and she just sits there a moment, looking down at me, eyes roaming hungrily over every inch of my body. Her hands are resting on my thighs, fingers flexing softly against the muscle. I'm taking this time to take her in as well, thinking she's never looked so damn hot.

_Ashley's POV_

This is really happening. And she's not going to stop us. I think I just lost my damn mind, or whatever was left of it, when I saw her fully naked and ready for me.

I never planned on this happening right away, but I'll never be able to deny her. I love and want her too much.

"Ash," she calls and I tear my eyes away from her body to look at her face.

"Yeah, babe?" I answer absently, my eyes trailing down over the soft swells of her breasts, down her stomach and further down to her smooth sex.

"Stop thinking about it," she urges. "Just stop _thinking_ all together and love me."

Her voice is husky with arousal and I can feel a sudden current of electricity run down my spine and settle on my lower back. Settling back down on top of her, I moan softly as our naked bodies come into full contact and her legs spread to make room for me. Instinctively, I grind into her and she responds by hooking a leg behind my thigh to keep me close.

"You feel _so_ good," she whispers as her mouth seeks mine.

I respond by opening my mouth and letting her explore, her movements unhurried, and I just give myself to her. While we're kissing, I run one of my hands down the side of her body, making sure to brush my thumb over her nipple. As I trail my fingers over her ribcage, I finally break the kiss and go for her neck, nipping and sucking on the skin lightly. I'm really tempted to mark her, but I control myself and decide not to. She'd probably have my ass if someone was to notice and ask.

As my fingers near her hip bone, I move so I'm straddling her thigh. Running my nails over her pelvis bone, I move lower still, lifting my head for a moment to look at her. Her eyes are closed and her chest is starting to heave a little, all signs that she is really aroused. As I slide my finger down her slit, I groan, finding more wetness there than I had anticipated to begin with.

"Fuck, baby, you're so _wet_."

She opens her eyes and those baby blues that have always been my undoing lock onto mine. "You sound surprised," she whispered.

"It's been a long time, Indie. I wasn't sure anymore if you'd ever want me again," I confess, baring my very soul to her.

My finger is still moving slowly up and down her folds and I can't believe we're having a conversation right now about my insecurities.

She cups my face and pulls me closer to her. She brushed my lips with hers so softly I can barely feel it before looking deep into my eyes again.

"I'll _always_ want you, Ashley. I never stopped. Not in all of these years and I don't think I'll ever stop wanting you."

Tears fill my eyes as I nod dumbly, thanking every deity above that this woman still feels so much for me after the things that have happened.

"I love you," I whisper reverently before closing the distance between us again and kissing her.

There is no more talking from that point on. I decide its best right now to just show her how I feel because not even in my wildest dreams had I anticipated this and maybe we're rushing into it, but it doesn't feel wrong. It's always been me and her. Spencer and Ashley. As it if was written on the stars, as if we were born to love each other. And while I know nothing is yet resolved, while we haven't even put a name to what is happening, I love her and I know she loves me back. There will be time to talk more later. Right now we need to come together this way.

I make sure to take my time, kissing every inch of silky skin I encounter, letting my hands and mouth reacquaint themselves with her body. It's new and familiar at the same time and it isn't until she starts begging me that my fingers fill her and we both moan because it feels like coming home again. Her muscles clench tightly around my fingers, and I feel a little lightheaded.

It isn't long before my mouth is on her center, my tongue remembering spots she likes in particular as I promise myself to find new ones. Her taste explodes in my mouth and I moan deeply because I really had thought I'd never get to have her like this again. I'm so grateful that she's allowing me to love her that tears seep from the corners of my eyes as my mouth worships her with renewed intensity.

And then she's falling apart in my arms and the noises she makes are like music to my ears. I swear I almost came myself when I opened my eyes just in time to see her tumble over the edge, back arching off of the bed, heels digging into the mattress on either side of my waist, and fingers gripping the sheets desperately.

It's a beautiful sight and as I move up her body once more it really dawns on me again: _I am_ _home_. Because no matter whom she's been with, who I've been with, to me Spencer is my home and always will be.

She looks at me when I reach her face and there is a satisfied smile on her lips. I return it with one of my own.

"You look so beautiful right now," I tell her as I brush some wisps of hair that are sticking to her slightly sweaty forehead to the side.

Her smile grows and her eyes seem to sparkle as she lifts her head and pecks my lips. "That was incredible, Ash. I didn't know how much I missed it until just now."

"No regrets then? I know this happened kind of fast and nothing is resolved."

She shakes her head lightly. "No regrets. We're done with those now. It's time to fix this once and for all because there is no way in hell I'm ever going to let you go."

She surprises me by turning us around and then she is hovering over me with a little predatory look in her eyes and I have to say I approve. The rest of my thoughts fly out of my head as she lowers her head and starts kissing me again. Right now is just easier to give into her because I've been starving for her touch for four long years and I now longer have to wait.


	11. Love is in the Air

_A/N: Can I just say you guys are awesome and that your reviews made my day? I'm so grateful for the kind words and the support for this story. And here is another chapter in less than a month! I'd say that's a huge improvement. It's not as long as some of the others, but I wanted to move things along a little._

_I'd love to know what you think of this one as well!_

**Mine to Love Again**

**Chapter 10: Love is in the Air**

_Kyla's POV_

After kissing for a little bit longer on the deck, Madison drags me inside so she can make me breakfast. Did I tell you she's just wonderful? She's always spoiled me rotten when I'm home and now I have no idea how I'll survive being on the road with Ash as much as we are. I don't think I want to live anywhere else anymore. I want to be here where she is most of the time, so I'm going to have to talk to my sister about things.

Speaking of which…

"Maddy, did Ash come home last night? I haven't heard or seen her yet."

Madison is beating eggs by the stove and lifts her head to look at me. "I haven't seen her either. Why don't you check her room real quick?"

I do as she suggests and skip down the hall. Her door is unlocked so I open it slowly as not to startle her, but I'm the one that is surprised when I see her bed is made and she's not in the room. My eyes widen as I hurry back to the kitchen.

"She didn't sleep here," I tell Maddy as soon as I'm back. "She never came home!"

Madison's look of surprise rivals mine. "Do you think she spent the night with Spence?"

I can see the excitement in her eyes and I'm sure mine look just the same. "Oh my God! If she did that's good, right? Maybe they finally talked things out and got back together."

Madison sighs as she poured the eggs into the pan. "I don't want you to get your hopes up, mamita. Remember how stubborn Spence is being about everything. Maybe they finished talking late and Ash ended up spending the night in the spare bedroom or something."

I sit at the table and rest my chin on the palm of my hand as I think about it. I know Spence is being difficult, but I also know she loves my sister. Ashley is finally trying to fix things and for all of our sakes I hope they get back together. If I have to see Ash moping around anymore, I'm going to hurt something or someone.

"I know," I tell her with a little sigh. "I just want them to be happy and I know that will only happen when they get back together."

"It's kind of weird, don't you think? Them getting back together, you and I finding our way to each other, Chelsea and Rocco. It's like love is in the air or something, so I'm going to hope with all of my heart that Ash and Spence fix things. I know it will make you happy."

I sigh again, but this time it's because I'm happy. "I'm glad we found our way to each other, too, baby," I tell her and blow her a kiss.

She pretends to catch it and then presses her closed fist to her heart. I, obviously, melt at the sight and grin goofily at her.

Breakfast is spent talking about when she started feeling differently about me, the things she did to avoid me finding out, the sleepless nights she spent thinking about it and trying to figure out what to do about it. It's charming and sweet and it just makes me fall even harder for her. Who would have thought the girl who used to be so hard and such a bitch in high school would mature into such a caring, loving and incredible woman? There is no way I can resist her charms and I honestly don't want to. I haven't felt this happy in so long, and as silly as it sounds, it feels like I finally found my other half, the person that fits me perfectly and she had been here all along without me noticing a thing.

As we clean the kitchen, we make plans for the rest of the week since I know Ash and I will be on the road a lot the following weeks. What with the new cd coming out and her having to do presentations and press rounds. I know there is a signing event or two and while Ash is not big on interviews, she will do a few just to please her fans.

I know it's going to be harder this time around. Now that people know she is pinning for someone, it will be difficult to keep the interviewers from ignoring that bit of juicy gossip. No matter how much I say they cannot go there, once they have her live on TV or radio, someone will ignore the warnings and go for it. I guess depending on how her night with Spence went is how the interviews will go. We'll have to meet and plan a strategy that she will be comfortable with and I'll probably have to release some sort of announcement to calm the masses. I haven't checked my inbox, but I'm sure it's inundated with requests and questions from just about every medium out there. I even bet people on Tumblr and Twitter are having a field day with it.

Of course I talk to Madison about all of my concerns as we head into the living room and immediately cuddle on the sofa. She's sitting on the end and I'm cuddled into her side with my feet tucked under me as she plays with my hair.

"So basically this launch will be one of your most difficult ones."

"It will be unless Ash walks through that door and tells me she and Spencer are back together and they don't care who knows."

"And if not? What will you do then?"

"Kick their asses and quit?" I joke.

She laughs and kisses my temple. God, she is so perfect!

"I don't think you'd ever quit managing Ash and we both know it."

"True. But if they are back together or maybe even working on it, we can feed that to the press and then tell them that is all she is willing to say and to please respect her privacy while she works on it."

"Will that work?"

"It might, actually. If she does it in a way that really makes people understand this is important to her and she is not willing to talk about it, they'll drop it. Especially if she walks out of an interview or two. The fans will love that!"

"Then let's pray that is what happens."

"I hate that things between us changed now that I'm going to be so busy," I tell her because it's true. I always miss her when we're not in the same area, but now it's going to be even more difficult.

"Well, I'm between gigs right now and my next one doesn't start for a few weeks. I can start working on the choreography from anywhere and I don't have to be back in LA until the end of next month."

I turn to look at her curiously. "What are you saying?"

"That, if you want, I could follow you wherever you go for the time being. I know you'll be busy with Ash during most of the day, but when you get back to the hotel, I can be there waiting for you," she tells me shyly and I basically swoon.

I can only move closer to her and kiss her, because, really, she is the best thing that's happened to me in a very long time.

_Spencer's POV_

As we lay in each other's arms in post-coital bliss, I can't help but hold Ash just a little bit closer to me as I kiss her naked shoulder where I've left a small love bite. It's been a couple of hours since we came into our room and I feel like my bones are liquefied after three intense orgasms. I can't even remember if that's even happened before with anyone but her, but I'm sure it hasn't. She's barely conscious herself because I gave her as good as I got and I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself right now.

"I don't think I want to move," she murmurs against my neck.

"We don't have to. I don't go back to work until Monday and I don't have any plans for the weekend."

"Don't you think we should let someone know we're okay?"

I laugh at this. "Ash, I'm sure Kyla already knows you're not there and I'm pretty sure Maddy is keeping her occupied."

"Oh, God, don't say that! I don't need those visuals."

I laugh harder and slap her ass lightly. "Don't be mean. I'd be willing to bet nothing like that happen between them just yet. The baby gays are probably not past kissing at this point and you know it."

"She's still my little sister, Indie."

"And she is also a young woman in love, so stop acting like this. Didn't you just spend the past couple of hours making love to me?"

"Mm, yes, and how glorious it was!" she tells me as she kisses the side of my neck.

"Yes, it was. So if we're able to express our love this way, they should have the same right."

"Ugh, I hate when your logic makes sense."

"That's 'cause I'm awesome and you know it."

"And so very sexy, too," she says before she lifts her head and looks at me. I lift my hand and caress her face lightly as she leans into my touch and closes her eyes. "Where do we go from here, Spence?"

"Definitely forward. I don't know much more than that."

"I know we can't start over because there is so much history between us, but I do want to take you out on dates, get to know this new side of your life I don't know much about. I don't want to just jump into a relationship with you. Does that make sense?"

It actually did. I could see where she was coming from and nodded. "I think I'd like that a lot, Ash. I know you're going to be traveling a lot right now because of your new cd, but I promise you'll have me to come back to every time."

She smiled at me and I could see the happiness shining in her eyes. "I won't make the same mistake again, Indie. I know you'll be here waiting and that you'll be fine while I'm gone. I'm going to miss you like crazy, though. Especially now."

"I'm glad you finally understand that, Pete. When do you have to leave?"

"If we start locally, I don't have to leave for another week, but I'll talk to Ky and make sure she books a lot of things together so we're not coming and going like crazy. I don't have to stay away from LA anymore and I know she also has someone that will be waiting for her to come home to."

"I can always fly in on Friday's to see you and fly back to LA Sunday nights. It's not like I haven't done it before," I say before I can stop myself.

She frowns while she looks at me. "What do you mean?"

I sigh and decide to go with the truth since from here on out there will be nothing between us but the truth. "I went to see a couple of your concerts."

Her eyes widen in surprise as her mouth opens and closes several times but no words come out. I think I might have broken her with my news.

"No one knows I did that, by the way. I've always known what you were doing and I went to a couple of the concerts where you did two shows in one weekend so I could see you twice. I was always close to the front but always too chicken to let you know I was there. Then I'd go back to my hotel room and cry myself to sleep."

"Oh, God, baby," she finally says while she hugs me tightly. "I'm so fucking sorry for doing this to us. Please forgive me," she sobs into my shoulder. "I promise you, Spence that I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

A few tears seep from the corners of my eyes again as I hear her cry. "I forgave you a long time ago, Pete. I just couldn't seem to let go of the anger, but that is over now, okay? We're going to make sure we make decisions together from here on out, we're going to act like the adults we are and we're going to stop fucking things up."

She nods and keeps on holding me. It's a few minutes before she lifts her head and looks down at me again and her eyes are swimming with emotions.

"I am so in love with you, Spencer Carlin. You truly are the love of my life and I'm going to show you every single day just how much you mean to me. That is my promise to you," she says reverently before she kisses me.

I guess Kyla and Madison will have to wait a little longer because the way she is kissing me and the way her hands have started roaming over my body again tells me we're not going anywhere anytime soon.

Obviously, I don't have a single problem with that!


	12. Changes

_A/N: To all of you that haven't given up on me and this story, I can only say thank you! And to those that encouraged me through messages to continue, many thanks as well! I thought about ending this story, but you all made me change my mind. There is a little more to tell so let's keep going on this journey together._

**Mine to Love Again**

**Chapter 11: Changes**

_Ashley's POV_

It's close to three in the afternoon by the time we make it back to the beach house. I just couldn't tear myself away from Spencer's warm body or our bed. God, but just saying _ours_ again feels amazing. I still can't believe this is happening. She loves me still and is willing to work on us, which is all I ever wanted. I turn to look at her after I park and cut off the engine.

"Think we might walk in on something compromising? Cause I don't know if I can take that."

"Stop being ridiculous, Pete. I'll walk in first and tell you if you can open your eyes or not," she tells me with a little teasing smile.

"Not helping at all, Spence. I really don't want to see them naked on my couch."

"Who says they'll be on the couch? It could be the kitchen counter."

I glare at her. "Still not helping. Do you enjoy torturing me? That is still my little sister we're talking about."

She grabs my hand as she moves closer to me and kisses my lips softly. "Kyla is a grown, mature woman and she has every right in the world to be happy with Maddy. We're happy, too, Pete and I'm sure they're going to be thrilled when we tell them. So give her a break and stop this already."

I sigh. She's right, of course. "I'm acting like an idiot, aren't I?"

She pecks my lips again and nods. "Just a little. Let's just go inside, okay? I'm sure they've been wondering where you are."

"I don't like that I'm so whipped when it comes to you. It does nothing for my reputation as a badass, you know," I grumble as I undo my seatbelt and open the door.

She just laughs as she gets out of the car and comes around to my side. After lacing our fingers together, she winks at me.

"You can still be a badass when you're in the public eye, baby," she reassures me. "It'll be our little secret that when we're together you can't say no to me!"

"Har har, Spence."

She's still chuckling when I open the front door and we step into the house. We hear laughter coming from the kitchen area and head that way. It really smells delicious in the house and I feel my mouth water. Whatever Maddy is cooking is sure to be amazing and it's then I realize we only had breakfast and we've burned a hell of a lot of calories since then.

"If I wasn't so in love with you, I think I'd ask Maddy to marry me," I tell Spencer.

She chuckles. "I don't think Kyla would go for that, babe. But just think, if they get together Maddy will still be around to cook for us. I think it's a win-win situation. Besides, I've gotten quite good in the kitchen as well and she's taught me how to do a lot of her dishes, so you could marry me instead."

I trip over my own feet and she grabs onto my waist to keep me from falling face first to the floor. My eyes are wide and I can barely breathe.

"What did you just _say_?" I ask her so quietly it's a miracle she hears me.

Her eyes widen comically when she realizes her slip of the tongue. "Um, that I can cook as well?"

"No. Try again," I encourage her and I bring our bodies closer and rest my forehead against hers.

She sighs softly and closes her eyes as she brings our bodies even closer together. "I said you should marry me instead," she whispers.

"That has been my dream all along, Spencer Carlin. But this time I'm going to do the right thing and build this back up slowly. When the time is right, that will be the final step to cement our relationship."

"You mean that?"

"With all of my heart, Pete. I'm going to love you for the rest of my life and marriage is something I'd only consider with you. We're not there yet, but we will be."

"Oh, Ashley," she whispers against my lips before closing the distance between us and kissing me deeply.

_Spencer's POV_

I can't believe I let those words slip out like that, but as we kiss, I can't really regret them. Now I know where she stands with us and to be honest, loving her is all I ever wanted as well. I can't see myself being truly happy unless we're together. She is the yin to my yang and nothing and no one will ever be able to change that.

We end the kiss slowly as if our bodies don't want to part with one another. I realize this time our feelings run deeper and everything feels new and comfortable at the same time. It's like we're reconnecting and discovering each other all over again.

I peck her lips one last time before stepping back. If I don't, we're going to go straight to her room.

"Let's go check on the girls before we ravish each other again."

"Yeah," she murmurs before shaking her head lightly, as if trying to get all of her senses back in control.

I grab her hand again and follow the voices to the back of the house. The kitchen is empty even if there are pots on the stove and the oven light is on. I happen to look towards the terrace and smile when I see them. Kyla is facing the beach and leaning against the railing while Madison is standing behind her with her arms wrapped around her middle. Kyla seems so relaxed as they talk and laugh with each other that I can't help but look at Ash and grin.

"They're so cute together!" I whisper excitedly to her. "I'm so glad they finally got together."

"How do you know they're together, Indie?" she asks as she watches them.

"When have you even seen either of them holding other people like that?"

"Um, well," she frowns and I chuckle lightly.

"Look at their body language, love. They're so into each other. Madison is holding her tightly, as if she's never going to let her go and Kyla is comfortable in her arms. They fit together."

"Like us."

"Exactly. You can just tell this isn't just a casual snuggle between friends."

"You've become really observant, Spence."

"I think it comes with my job. I've learned to read people well. It can come in handy."

She tilted her head as she watched them in silence a moment longer. "I guess they really do look good together. And I know Maddy is going to treat her right."

"Let's go say hi."

_Madison's POV_

I don't remember the last time I felt this happy. And I don't mean I haven't been happy before, because I have. I think the difference now is that I feel _completely_ happy, at ease with the world around me and so in love I don't know what to do with myself. Holding Kyla in my arms and her knowing of my feelings is nothing short of amazing. Knowing she feels the same just makes me want to scream and shout in happiness but I hold myself back. I don't want my girl and the neighbors to think I'm crazy. _My girl!_ Dios, I just love how that sounds. Not that we've made it official or anything like that, but we will eventually. There is no way I'm letting her go now that I finally have her.

I hear noise behind us and turn my head just in time to see Spence and Ash walking towards us holding hands. I smile and nudge Kyla to get her attention.

"Look who finally made it home, baby," I whisper to her as I turn us around.

She takes one look at them, sees their fingers laced together and makes this inhumanly noise as she bolts towards them and jumps into their arms. They had just enough time to catch her before they're holding on to each other and laughing. I grin as I watch the scene unfold before me.

_Fucking finally!_ I was beginning to wonder if we'd have to tie them down facing each other before they got their heads out of their asses long enough to fix things. But looking at them now I can see that they've talked and fixed things. I don't remember the last time either of them looked so radiant and happy because it's been years. Probably since they broke up. I quickly take out my cell and shoot Chelsea a quick text message letting her know all is right in Spashley world and she should join us for dinner in the next hour or so.

"Baby, look," Kyla calls out to me. "They're back together finally!"

I walk towards them with a big smile on my face. One, she called me _baby_ in front of them and two, Ash and Spence are back together and things are finally as they should be.

"I see that! Fucking took you two long enough!" I tell them as I grab Spence and hug her tightly. "I'm so happy for you, Spence," I whisper in her ear.

"Thanks, Maddy. I'm really glad you finally talked to her about your feelings. You look so damn happy," she whispers back as her arms tighten around me.

"Thanks for the push."

"Anytime. I didn't want you waiting as long as we did."

I step back and nod at her before looking towards Ashley and embracing her as well. "Hey, Ash. Glad you got your girl back!"

"You and me, both! Feels like I can breathe now."

We all laugh at her comment and I pause when I hear my cell chirp. I read the text message and smile. "Chelsea is going to be here in half an hour so we can celebrate!"

"What do you have going in the kitchen?" Ashley asked. "It smells so damn good."

"Kyla wanted rice and beans. So I'm cooking that plus there is chicken baking in the oven. Dessert will be ice cream sundaes."

"So whipped already," she tells me with a chuckle and I scratch at my eyebrow with my middle finger.

"Just remember it takes one to know one. I know Carlin has you so whipped you don't know up from down," I remind her and laugh when she blushes.

Spencer is looking quite pleased with herself if her little smirk is something to go by. I shoot my girl a grin and she comes closer to me and wraps her arm around my waist, cuddling into my side as she rests her hand on my stomach. I sigh happily as my arm goes around her as well.

Kyla winks at Spencer as we continue talking and teasing each other. When the door rings later we realize we've been outside chatting for a while. Ashley goes towards the door and we head into the kitchen so I can check on dinner. We all laugh again when we hear the squealing coming from the front of the house that signals Chelsea's arrival.

"Had I known everyone would be so happy when Ash and I got back together, I would have done it sooner," Spencer remarks as she looks towards the front of the house, a forlorn look on her face. "I didn't realize we were making all of you _so_ unhappy."

There is a hint of sadness to her tone and I look to Kyla for help. She nods and moves closer to Spencer.

"I wouldn't necessarily say you were making us unhappy, per se, Spencer. I think it was more along the lines of us knowing you belonged together and it was hard to see you both suffer silently while missing your other half. We all knew there were still unresolved feelings and neither of you seemed able to move on with your lives."

"She's right, Spence. We all just wanted you both to be happy and we knew the only way that would happen was if you got back together."

"I've been so damn stubborn," she lamented. "I never stopped loving her and I robbed us both of four years because I couldn't bring myself to talk to her."

"Look, Spence," I said as I gave her hand a little squeeze. "There is no use dwelling in the past. It's over and done with. Just concentrate on the here and now because this is a happy time. Don't let what happened ruin what is to come as we all move forward."

She sighs as she rubs at her temple and her eyes get misty. Shit, if Ash comes in here and sees her crying she's going to freak. But no sooner do I think that that the brunette comes into the kitchen with a still giggling Chelsea and stops dead in her track when she sees that Spencer is clearly upset.

_Ashley's POV_

"Babe?" I call out as I move closer to Spencer.

She is blinking rapidly but it's too late. I had already seen the sheen of tears shining in her beautiful baby blues. I take her in my arms as the others shuffle out of the kitchen quietly, giving us a little privacy, which I'm grateful for.

"What's the matter, beautiful? Why are you upset?"

"It's nothing, Ash. I'm okay."

"Please don't do that. Don't push me away. Something upset you and I want to know what it is so I can fix it," I pleaded with her.

She just moved closer to me and held me tightly. The tears started in earnest then and it sent panic cursing through me. What the hell had happened while I chatted with Chelsea at the front door? I had only been gone less than ten minutes, for fuck's sake!

"Baby," I tried again. "Please talk to me."

"I just love you so much," she managed between her sniffles. "I was just so stupid to hold this grudge for so long and I made so many people unhappy."

I frowned. "Did Kyla and Madison say that? Because family or not I will kick their asses for making you cry."

She actually let out a tiny chuckle through her tears. "No, baby. They just mentioned how happy they were that we finally found our way back to each other after so long and it made me think that was mostly my fault for being so stubborn and refusing to speak to you."

I rubbed her back in soothing circles as she spoke. I guess her tears made sense now. She was feeling a little guilty, but I still didn't want her blaming herself for this mess. We'd both had our share of the fault and it wasn't fair for her to be suffering like this.

I moved away from her and cupped her cheek. I waited until she was looking into my eyes before speaking.

"I love you so, so much, Spence, and nothing will change that. Not the time we spent apart, not the issues we had, nor the things that come up as we move forward. We can't turn back time, but that's okay. Our friends were worried because they love us. They know we're only truly happy when we're together. But from here on out, things will fall back into place, okay?"

She nodded and wiped at her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize for your feelings, beautiful. I'm glad you told me why you were upset, but let's not dwell on what happened. Can we try to be happy from here on out?"

"It's all I want, Ash. To be happy with you again."

"And you have me, Spencer. Body, mind and soul, I'm all yours now and forever. Please don't cry anymore," I begged as I kissed the tip of her nose. "I don't like it when those baby blues look so sad."

"I'll try not to, but I can't promise I won't ever cry about this again. It was mostly my fault that we were apart for so long."

"Hey, I have made you cry plenty of times. I broke your heart more than once and you still managed to forgive me. I don't blame you for any of what happened and while I hated being away from you, I also knew I was the one that messed things up between us."

She hugged me close then and I breathed her in, holding on for dear life. She was still crying a little, but she was definitely calming down, something I was relieved to notice.

"Is everything okay?" I heard Kyla ask as she moved closer to us.

I nodded and opened my arms to include her in the hug as she walked up to us. She immediately wrapped her arms around us and the next thing I knew, two more pairs of arms were completing our group hug.

I couldn't honestly remember the last time I had felt so complete. I knew from here on out things would be different, and there would be missteps along the way, but we had the best support system anyone could ever ask for.

For the first time in a very long time, I was looking forward to our future. And from where I was standing, it looked bright and hopeful.

_Thoughts? Did you like it? This isn't the end, btw. Maybe a couple more chapters to go. There is a scene I've had planned from day one and it's still something I'm really looking forward to writing. Until the next one!_


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